All these blessings and burns.

2009-01-02T01:06:00.003+08:00

Short update.

Okay, I am so sorry, I have to be away for quite some time.
I was reading through my achieves and I felt like slapping myself a lot of times. What was I thinking back then? Typing nonsense and all.
Oh well, this is one of the neoprints I took with babe.

One of my kids told me: "teacher linda, you look like a pwincess lei."
Hahaha, I was so touched, I gave him like a whole packet of sweets. Then I told my boyfriend about it, and he laughed at me.
You wouldn’t know it, but yeah, I am quite obsessed about princesses. Like you know, mermaids, fairies, princess stuff.
When naz came back from KL the other time, she brought me a princess accessory, I was pretty much happy for the rest of the week just because of that. Hahah.
A bit weird I know.
And my baby would say “ u jgn nk feeling feeling princess okay?”
“u umor brape? Da tua ganyot lagi nk princess.! tak paham aku”
ERRRGGH.

And I hate alien versus predator, all of them are so fucking ugly and I can never understand how my baby can stare at it for like the longest time with this…. admiration in his eyes . like the predator looks fucking adorable or something.
Yucks.

By the way, happy new year ya’ll! My new year had been awesomely good, it was spent with my baby boy and his friends, will be updating about it soon okay. Hope yours was as awesome as mine!

And PS: I’ll be moving soon. Will be kissing this blog goodbye.

2008-12-28T19:32:00.001+08:00

I’ll be back babies. Have been a lil bit too busy with life. Don’t worry, so far, my life have been perfect. And if you remembered babe and I turned 3! Going to update about that pretty soon and pictures will be uploaded soon too! Love you guys! Meanwhile, here's a picture of me and my beeeeeeyooouuutiiiful sistaaa. hahahha.
bye asses!

2008-12-22T00:26:00.000+08:00

Clever trick.

Days had been very hectic and busy, had a tiff during work. Finally I got a grip of myself. I need to have a grip at myself soon. I had found great difficulty concentrating on the simplest things. My mind drifts away faster than the speed of light. Its impossible to keep my mind on things for more than 10 minutes.
I have been thinking about a lot of things these few days. Been enlightened a couple of times. Been angry and irritated with myself for being so ignorant all these while.

I have mixed feelings about college, I still am clueless of what I want to do as a career, except for the fact that I want and shall fulfill my wish of being an air stewardess for at least two years.
Went for a bbq pit on Friday, sauntered my way over to bugis the next day after waking up in a tent infested with spiders and red ants for project( I was dying by then). I had fun with my collogues, we had awesome time eating, well at least I know I did. Then at night, I had to go work( I was a walking zombie by then) and then I met sufy and we felt so alive after that. Talked and talked about so many things, it was awesome. Then suddenly sufy went berserk-ly irritated with everyone for a while and was happy again when we close the store. She’s weird, just like me.
And I met nadya the other day! It was heartwarming to go lepaking with someone so familiar and someone that knows you pretty well since secondary school. Oh yes, we agreed that we kenal kenal with a hell lot of horny guys. Haha. Kk, roll your eyes. I love you nadya! We should hang out soon again!

let me end with the picture of the day okay?

Perot i sexy kan?

2008-12-13T00:31:00.003+08:00

The lengths that I would go to.

I was bitter the whole day. I had been bitter for the past two days. Whats worse, was that, I had weird disgusting nightmares, it just made everything worser for me.
I have a disgusting fucking faggot as a fucking phychologist, and I am pissed about it. going around with your pink file and that bling on your left ear, you think you ever going to bring me back to sanity?! Big fucking hope. Oh wait, fuck your asshole with hope goddamit!

Son of a whore.

And then, whats with married man and me? stop it already! I am not dating any married man. I am not fucking any married man. I am not dating any rich married man whatsoever ALREADY. its over since a thousand years ago. Stupid or what?. Nah, I’m not going to blah blah blah about how your tags not bringing me down, yada yada yada, because frankly, I don’t give YOU a fuck. Because frankly, I am OVER it. because frankly, I am fine without no MARRIED MAN whatsoever. You can go fuck your loose pussy with ten banquettes for all I care, satisfy your needs, and go to bed with an underaged boy for all I care. Its none of my business, and it’s the same for you too, what’s HERE is NONE of your fucking BUSSINESSSSS.

And of course I don’t go around tYPinG LikE An iRRiTATinG PriCk Cause apparentLYY I AM eDUcatED and I know hoW to go ABOut typing OUT a sentenNcE DecenTTly.

HAHA. Go ask your momma send you to pre school.

On the other hand, I saw an old hag in his faded blue underwear near Bradell. I couldn’t help staring at his sagginess while he goes about naturally hanging his laundry out to dry. My goodness, your fucking house is just beside the fucking road, do you mind?! I was just too engrossed, trying to shut my eyes before they spot the wrinkled penis and then be disgustingly contaminated for the rest of my horny life.

If I had seen it, I swear I would climb over his gate, trampled on his ugly lawn, ripped off his clothes from the laundry line, throw them at the nearest longkang I could find and then give his wrinkly balls a good flick.

I don’t care if I got arrested for that.

Because, for all I care, I might be the happiest bitch in the whole wide world. Fuck faggot psychologist with pinky files. I am all ready to flick.

Lina wants me to go las vegas to study event management. I want to DIE.

Future, please keep me somewhere safe and near with my baby. =(

2008-12-07T23:13:00.003+08:00

Baik ah!

Bila sudah pagi2 buta, tak tau nak balek minom teh susu,
Aku dgn laki aku muke macam pepek berair.
Lepas tu laki aku balik, jalan kaki all the way sampai bukit batok mcm budak sewel.
Psl dier love same aku, and aku gila psl dia.
Heh heh. Okay, pegi korek jubo k?

I love you ihsan. Kau babi ah.

2008-12-04T00:36:00.003+08:00

Life is Crazeehhh.

I failed my napha test. But I feel damn relieved about it. I mean, imma girl, I don’t hafta pass the fucking napha test. Yay to me. because I managed to finish the 2.4 km run without HYPERVENTILATING and without the need to fucking run with a paper bag around just in case I start to hyperventilate, because I have remembered to breathe properly( I have problems with my breathing because I find it so distracting when people around me are breathing heavily), and to not breathe like an oversized goldfish.

Oh yes, Hakim was around during the napha test and it was fun having him around. Just bitching about other people. Buat incline pull up mcm fucking position peeeeeeeeee. HAHAHAHAHHAAH.

I am proud of myself, and I have rewarded myself with subway cookies and I just realized that I am never ever going to lose weight eveeeeerrrrr.
Just two more months and I can fucking graduate with a diploma and fuck off from polytechnic! YAY!

I am so hyper today. been spending most of my time with babe, I get to balance time between assignments and play. Not forgetting my baby girl, naz had been the most awesome girl she’s ever been and every time I go to school and get frequent sudden outbursts of vulgarities and physical abuse, I feel absolutely loved. Naz, I will forever love you with all my heart putting aside, my overreacting boyfriend that is.

I have cut my fringe myself (yet again) and I look like an asshole.

My freaking pay is sooo little, I cannot afford to buy cigarettes. So not fair. Cannot and will refrain self from shopping, and will start to isap rokok gulong back. January, please come fast fast. I want toooo work like a bangla and earn many many money like a pornstar.

I will open up a bloody blogshop and sell all my second hand things soon. Sorry fats, I’ve been busy like a beetle (me too big too be a fucking bee) and I don’t have time to upload the pictures. Sorry. Will try to do it by next week okay love? Miss you fats!

I shall go to sleep and dream of presentation tmr. Bloody hell!
PS: toa payoh is my second dreaded and most irritating home. I miss my kids. =(

2008-11-25T20:59:00.001+08:00

Consider yourself lucky. I told myself that I would try and at least cool myself down. To occupy my hands with something useful to do. Rather than frown at your fucking irritating behavior. You see, I am actually a very nice person. And I do not want to sour up our friendship just because you are very annoying and irritating and scream like a hyena at every wrong time.
YES.
I have a problem.
I cannot control my anger.
And when it gets out of hand, my hands will tremble, and my neck actually hurt.

Please don’t make me blow or your fucking face would be the source of me venting my fucking anger on.
Life hadn’t been pretty so far, and I’m pretty fucked up about it.

2008-11-23T20:11:00.008+08:00

21 & 22November was the most awesome dates ever.

Happy 35monthlyversarry baby!

Then it was my favorite’s boy 18th birthday. And I went out and layan him for the whole day together with some other friends. Do you know why?
Because as quoted from Amin. “Its MY birthday okay?!” together with the hand gestures as if it was some huge fuck.
HAHAHAHAH. Air kuning kuning?
It was just pure fun just hanging out and it actually felt good. I guess I was just too caught up with the assignments and stuff, I wasn’t really giving myself time to play hard.

Happy 18th birthday Bitch! Three words : I LOVE U!

This was my MOST FAVOURITE picture from yesterday.

great, just awesome! i didnt realize my face was inside, until i saw my sandal, and i was like, isnt that me? behind NAZ? and then i saw, AMIN'S barely there face, it makes the whole picture artistic ya know?

i swear i am not being sarcatic. *cross fingers*

And then last week, a whole bunch of us went over to sentosa, I didn’t really remember anything accept for the part where I actually ACCIDENTLY saw two woman’s pubic hair together with fatin ( EMPHASIZING ON ACCIDENTLY) and I know I ate a lot. When I mean a lot, I really mean a hell lot.
There are a lot of pictures to be uploaded, but I will choose only some of it. because some of it, my face actually looks acceptable, the rest, I just look utterly horrible and uncivilized. Hahahaha. Shut up! *rolls eyes*

Oh yes!

I remembered, we played a game in the water. The six of us.
You know the game where the girl player goes on top of the guy’s.. (damn, I’m not good at describing)
Whatever, it is. Fatin was on top of amin, Manisah was on top of Rahman, I was on top of my babe (man this sounds horribly sexually wrong) and together the girls try to topple each other off. I was laughing soo damn hard, I nearly piss at my babe’s neck. And I was pulling his head back and forth, I think he must have felt like some moronic ass.
I pushed his head forward with my hands and go like, “go front front!!!!!!”, then I pulled his head back “eehhh,, NAK JATOOHH LAAA BABIIIII!!!!” then I pulled his hair all around, he was screamin at me, I was laughing and trying to scream at him too. And it was so chaotic, but I managed to push manisah off rahman!
Of course me and fats, we love each other so much, we gave up pushing each other.
I should have recorded the whole thing for the whole wide world to see eh?that’ll be so awesome!

Here are pictures of sentosa.

In the bus.

Outta bus. Not all was included. HAHA.
Now where was I at? oh yes, stupid school.

2008-11-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

Edward Cullen, will you BITE me please?

2008-11-14T21:12:00.000+08:00

Please do not be childish. Please shut your trap while i still can hold onto my anger that boils every single second whenyou’re present.
I thought i couldnt understand myself, but i was wrong, i did understood what i felt and i could convey what i felt about you to others. I know i am not insane in the head because apparently they agree to what i have to say which all the more proves that you are so damn fucking wrong.
Arrgh. Sometimes i do wonder what the fuck did i do to deserve you as a fucking friend.
One day, i’ll tell you one fucking fine day when i’ll blow my top, everything would still be the same unfortunately.
I am cursed to have you for the past rihfjnkdnkjn years.
For once, fucking LISTEN!!!

On the other hand, looking forward to Sunday’s outing with the lovely bitches and bastards of mine.
More pictures to come babiessss! School had been one fucking hell ride lately.
I am stressed and really messed up right now. Let Sunday be a stress reliever.
Pretty please?

2008-11-08T16:41:00.002+08:00

I thought my laptop crashed yesterday. I nearly bawled like a baby. I don’t want to go through what I went through early last year. Stupid hard disk. All the old old very olddddddd photos all gone. But whatever it is, my wonderful laptop didn’t crash at all. It still is working okay I guess. For now.
So I was looking through all those all photos and I want to show u one of it. I am like saving everything inside my thumbdrive just in case u know?hahah.
It was taken when I was three months pregnant. My sister took it. *rolls eyes* so unflattering laa!
yay, meeting baby soon and chucking aside assingments for now.
i love my baby ihsan so so muccchhh! days had been awesomely awesome.
=)
like totally.

2008-11-05T20:01:00.002+08:00

Run baby run.

Look, I’ve lied, and I’m sorry. I still have difficulty focusing on all those assignments and even normal routine tasks. I know deep down I am troubled and I know I have to head over to Holland village sooner. But I didn’t I just don’t have the time. Been a lot more unfocused and it scares me that the voices are coming back every now and then. It’s all the same. It’s unpredictable at first but as my condition deteriorates, it becomes predictable, and that’s when it all becomes a lot more scarier.
I still haven’t get over it yet. Far too deep. Yes its true. I’m taking the my own fucking sweet time, to come up with the most accurate description of what I’m feeling. To justify all the hurt that I’m feeling. The lost I felt.
Then I shall head over to Holland village, sit on the humongous big black sofa, ransack the refrigerator, if I’m lucky I’ll get the whole bottle of red wine all to myself, and then we’ll talk it out.
Bring on all the painkillers then. I’ll be needing them soon.

I’ve always been that girl who can never differentiate her fantasies from the harsh and ugly reality. Always. Now, it actually BOTHERS me.

2008-10-29T00:03:00.000+08:00

When you’re clouding up my mind.

Its been a long time people. I know. I’ve been very busy, as always. Been catching up with a lot of friends along the way, spending quality time with my baby girls, and intensive bitching with my one and only bitch, amin. Not forgetting, shopping and chain smoking the night away with my all time best friend, fatin nur tiaraaaa!
And of course, the stupid school always plays a part in ruining my life. Not really lah, but sometimes, I really feel its like a complete bore. I’d rather scrub my asshole the whole day than attending lectures. Seriously.

with my bestest bitch, amin! i lovee youu!!

And also, I need to lose weight, maklumlah, saya ini sungguh bahagia , sampailah makan mcm nak mampos the next day. I am fully aware I am putting on weight, and I am so not proud to say that for the first time in my whole entire life I am actually struggling to lose them weight. Struggling like mad. More like struggling like fuck.

So on this coming Thursday me and my AWESOME babygirls( and the rest of the class) are going to run after lecture ends at about eleven in the morning, total waste of time. Since I am the class rep, I have the responsibility to organize such boring events for god knows why. And I came up with this because I have come to realize that eventually I will also benefit from it. haha, I know, totally. What a bitch.
I have been praying since that I wont have leg injury or whatever cramps due to the sudden run or whatever. Because I know, I can never do a proper warm up. I am messed up anyway. And as what naz frequently says to me “ Linda, you need urgent help,”.

Work had been fine. Oh yes, and dhiya had to remind me upteen times that I just got scalded with hot water at my left lower back by Ken. Okay, it wasn’t his fault entirely. Poor thing, he kept apologizing and going “u okay tak? Like maseh saket blakang?” with this guilty face. I got a lil irritated for a while there, and in case you’re wondering, YES, I did cry like a fucking baby. You cant blame me at that okay? The pain was unbearable for me la that is. Oh yes, and it left me with this weird looking triangular shaped scar. Suriati told me it’ll fade away. Thanks babe for accompanying me to the clinic! Totally appreciate it! =) I remembered after that I pampered myself with a handful of chicken ham and chicken chipolatas. Yummy yum. I had to ignore my slimming regime for awhile there. Hah!

The other day I accompanied fatin to do her eyelash extentions,I had to distract her upteen times from the pain she felt from the strong glue. It was raining, I could still remember it vividly. she was cussing and cursing under her breath as she and I furiously dialed for cabs but to no avail. stupid cab. We had no choice but to join the long q. and when it was our turn, mcm puki, taxi takde sial (like vagina, taxi dont have sial)! Okay, maybe I should move on?

OH yes, I got myself a handy dandy notebook. Time to get damn organize already! my notes and assignments due are all over the fucking place.
And yes the other time, babe was getting on my nerves. He kept saying “baby am I hot?”
I rolled my eyes and started walking a lil bit faster. He came up beside me and said, “buat bodoh nmpk?” (translation :“do stupid see?”)
I kept ignoring him, then he came up, stood right in front of me and practically yelled. “I tengok cermin badan I hot sialllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
(translation: “I look at mirror , body I hot sialllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!”)
I stared at him. he stared back. Eyebrow naek2. (eyebrow up up)
Then I screamed “ EH LANTAK KAU AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
(translation: EH I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TRANSLATE THIS WORD AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”)
And we chased each other all the way back to my house. I lost 2 kg that day. What a lovely achievement, really.
Goodnight pervs, be back soon, this time, I’ll make sure I wont break my promise.

and he said " my love for you is a million times deeper than any other oceans that exists". cheesy fuck or what?

2008-10-24T17:40:00.003+08:00

I hate school. I hate school. I hate school.
Four more months, and I’m out. Four more months and I’m out. Four more months and I’m out.
Then I can go to Melbourne for a wonderful holiday. And stay over at richard’s house. Smoke weed everyday, and be a free spirit.
Now, I have so many things to think about, it makes me all moody and crappy.
I cant fucking make up my mind which degree I want to take and my dad’s blabbering and yakking at me non stop about how laid back I was.
Hello?! I am fucking 19. Please let me fly around the whole world first before I get stuck for another two to four years in a stupid university or be stuck in Boston for a whole six months( please, totally too much la!).
I cannot wait to go to Melbourne, I cannot wait to go to Melbourne, I cannot wait to go to melbourneee!!
Richard, we can have slumber parties everyday and we can bitch and suntan at the beach and and I can finally give you a good morning hug, everyday after 3 longggg yearsssss!
And me and babe are nearing out three years anniversary sooooonnnn.
Been having more downs and ups lately, boo hoo hoo. Must be more calm and collected linda. Breathe and forgive but don’t forget.
Hahahahahaha.

this is my buto boy. girls, fuck of la!

2008-10-06T01:46:00.002+08:00

Run away with my hope.

Dave, each and every day that pass me by, I thought of you. Don’t ask me what happened, don’t ask me why. Because I myself don’t even know why I did what I did.
I miss you terribly and I am very aware that I am avoiding you. I hope you are doing well over at the states. I wanted to make myself feel better today, and then I come to realized that I lost all of your photos with me. All of them. They’re gone just like that. Poof.

My heart still aches, but I guess I’ll be fine sooner than I know it.
I loved you Dave, and I miss you more. Please take care of your health, I don’t know if you’re still coming down to Singapore this coming June.

Cause apparently, I still dream of you sometimes.

2008-10-05T18:06:00.003+08:00

Promises mean everything when you’re naïve.

One more week till school reopens, it feels like forever, since the school vacation, for two whole fucking months.

I miss my baby girls so much, cant wait to see them all and give each one of them tight boobie hugs! Yay!
I know, now, I cant wait for school to reopen, and when it does open and when all the assignments starts to pour in, I will get terribly sick of it, and I want it to stop.

These few weeks have been relatively challenging for me. too many things happened, I don’t even know where to start blabbering. Working had been the most enjoyable although the food sucks like some horrible fuck, but always, I’ll make it a point to starve myself till I’m half dying then i’ll be able to goble down whatever auntie have cook for me till the plate is like super shiny clean. At least I wouldn’t be offending aunty by throwing her food or something.
Oohhh, and I’m having an awesome time with my lovely bitches, amin and fatin tiara bitching the night away and just talking about anything and everything under the sun.

Sometimes, people just don’t change, they say they’ll change, but god knows what the fuck is going on in their dirty puny brains,polluting those who are easily influenced by their supernatural sexuality. I should not mention names here, but boy, at the rate you’re going, you are bound to be wearing diapers by the time you reach forty because of your constance anal sexing. You disgust me, so go to fucking hell.

Also,on Tuesday partawan went back to bali. And we never gave him anything. Nothing. Zilch, zero, empty. Too bad wan. Hope you have a safe journey home to bali, and I hope you never ever come back to Singapore. Lol. Just kidding. Will be missing you though. Now let me find an awesome picture of me with partwan.

There you go, oh baby, I think that was like around the wee hours of the morning? I forgot, just look at my pants, it is not zipped!That’s how excited I am when he’s around and when he haven’t cut his hair for like two months.
and i look hideously ugly in that ugly uniform.

And yes, I might be a little too late, but I wanna wish all my muslim friends, selamat hari raya, maaf zahit dan batin.

Good byeeee sugar pies. I’ll promise I’ll be back sooner than you know.

2008-09-25T00:40:00.003+08:00

A thousand other reasons that I know.

This is getting too much I tell you, “bloghopper”, who the fuck are you to come ask me for a public apology?

Got cheated by your goddamn husband before or what? Go to hell for heaven’s sake! And the reason for me not replying your stupid tags, because obviously I don’t know you and therefore, I shouldn’t even give a shit or waste my fucking energy replying you or even give a flying fuck care on how you feel about me.

Your tags don’t bring me down at all, but seriously you should NEVER EVER include my friends when obviously the person you’re not happy with, is ME.

How dare you call my friends LOSERS?! You daughter of a hoe!

I am fucking infuriated by your childish behavior, and my fucking advice to you is stop being a dumbfuck and stop stalking me if it hurts you in any other way.

If I really know who the fuck you are, and if only murder was somewhat gleefully legal here, I swear I would have taken the initiative to stalk down your ip address or whatever it takes to make sure who the fuck you are. and when I’ve found you I’ll fuck you up, no, my friends and I would be fucking you up in whichever hole that is existing in your body with an enormous baguette in the whole wide world and then I’d stab you a million times, not only at your vagina, but throughout your fucking body then I’ll throw your naked body down the drain so that it’ll looked like you’ve been brutally gang raped or something.

Seriously whatever okay? Go fuck an alligator or something.

I have issues myself and I cant be bothered anymore with such ridiculous things. I am so not myself these few days, and I’ve realized that I need to spend time by myself to clear all doubts and manage the problems I’m having.
How I wish someone would bring me to the top of the highest mountain in the whole wide world so that I can piss down on the rest of you. That would somehow make me feel like some big fuck queen of the world or something.

Then, hopefully everything will work out fine.

2008-09-13T01:59:00.009+08:00

Because all of you don't really matter at all.

Been relatively busy these few weeks. Rushing here and there. It’s the fasting month, and I didn’t lose even one kg. pathetic or what ?
I love my new job very much! (PS: naz, I rindu you so much!)
Today, I felt like I have so much time in my hands to update. And I’ve decided to update on perverts! Okay, you can roll your eyes at me now. I was talking to amin and browsing through my inboxes, I cant be bothered to delete the messages in my inbox you see.

So yeah, I was laughing to myself while reading them. So here goes.

This is from Friendster, not so pervertic , but still quite disgusting because the guy is so not cute and he’s like…..maybe I should just keep my comments to myself.

And the rest is from myspace.

Alrightey, and I shall call this guy, YAYA PAPAYA. As you can see, he’s like writing some composition for me la! What the fuck.

Moving on, this was when I was still very active in myspace. I posted a bulletin everytime I had a new display picture, and this is what this guy replied to me:

Of course I didn’t reply, so he tried his luck again.

Aiyo, like I his pornstar member gerek like that. *shivers*

Not only guys send me pervertic messages, surprisingly there are women too! I shall expose one today, and maybe the rest will be later.

In case you’re wondering, me and babe is still going strong, we are back with ou exciting, “lets’s hunt for ants and burn them with our lighters till they go all crispee and chao taaa!”
Yay! Best sial!
Till the next short post, I love all of you.

2008-09-06T01:01:00.003+08:00

Finally Interested.

I have a friend who has this ability to see things that I would prefer not to see. I think you guys know what I mean yah? The other day i worked with her, oh yes, her name is Jonn by the way.

Since work that day was so totally boring dot com, I have more than enough time to like talk to her and like to ask her and bother her to tell me like experiences she had seeing these things.

Of course the first thing I asked her was “eh here,(the kitchen) got anything anot?” she looked around, contemplated with her answer, shook her head hard and said. “no.”
I looked at her again, “eh, you sure anot?” fully aware that may was sitting at the corner her eye tearing up already.
She flashed me this irritated look and retorted “walau! I say dont have la!”

I smiled to myself and remembered the other time we wanted to hang out at the garden plaza at night and she went home, cos she said the place was “dirty”.
And so I asked her “eh the other time, we hang out at the playground, got things anot follow me?”

She replied “got, they pass by us, only pass by what, never disturb, so I never say anything lor,”

She then continued “but then, when you all go home, behind all got things one, I keep quiet la, tell you for what, later want to go home scared,”

WAH. NABEI. Cannot angkat siol.

So yah, she told me that during the 7 month, when were all finished with our closing, she saw a baby hanging around may’s neck, oblivious to all of us obviously. When may stood up, apparently the baby fell and started crawling towards may.
The baby was “it”. And may upon hearing that, may started tearing and said “ my husband pray already what!”
She had an abortion a few years back. I guess she suspected that baby was the aborted one.

Okay, I shall end the talk about seeing paranormal things abruptly as I would like to wish Farihin, a happy 18th birthday! I remembered his birthday cos i terserempak with him just now you see. haha. See you this Friday together with the rest! Yay!

2008-09-02T01:04:00.002+08:00

Here's the ip address. thank you very nice.

One little two little three little PERVERTS

2008-08-22T00:17:00.003+08:00

One little two, little three, little PERVERTS.

I’ve decided to expose one pervert today. sometimes, I get very lewd and pervertic private messages through myspace.
Shall I expose them all here? let’s all wait and see. *sniggers*

2008-08-19T02:06:00.000+08:00

I’ve opened up another 10 old post of mine. Feel free to re read all of them once again. If you’re dumb, all you have to do is fucking scroll down. Till u cant scroll down anymore.

2008-08-19T01:57:00.003+08:00

Another day, another piece of stinking shit.

Babe finally came home after three long days. I kept myself busy throughout the days, so that I won’t be cooped up in my room, feeling horribly alone and bitter.
Babe called me and told me to go check up the other house. He said he was already on his way there. I cursed under my breath as I quickly got ready to get out of my house.

How romantic, seriously. Instead of asking me out for a nice candlelight dinner, he told me to go over to that fucking dirty house.

That house gave me negative vibes and it certainly creeps me out and leaves my hair standing the whole time. And oh yes, the people who rented the house, namely Gary, Dzul and Faddy were a bunch of hooligans. They sleep, eat and fuck daily with god knows who without the basic initiative to clear and clean the house up. The house is decorated disgustedly with their combined efforts of i-don’t-really-care-where-the-fuck-I-am-going-to-ejaculate-at because I can clearly see cumstains everywhere.

And I am not exaggerating asses. I am so tempted to take a picture of the bedroom floor of the stains, but then, come to think of it, babe will think that I am sick in the head.

I reached on time, panting. I could see babe pacing impatiently at the void deck. I came over from the back, and hugged him tightly.

“why are we here?” I asked. “gotta check the house, I heard the guys broke the fucking bed,” babe answered.

Oh god, was the fucking cum stained bed a lot more fucking important then spending romantic time with me?!
I just shrugged, a stupid lame way to cover up the anger boiling in me. stupid Faddy, Gary and Dzul. All of them are so going to get it from me.

I glanced at babe’s watch, it was 8pm. I can bet on my next month salary that the three hooligans are not at home, probably menyundaling outside with god knows who.
I was right, the house was empty. No hooligans. The cumstains were still around, I figured it’ll be there permanently.

Suddenly the hair at the back of my neck stood. I held on babe’s hand tighter, inevitably, I started to sweat.
Babe stared at me, “what’s wrong?” he asked. I just shook my head.
“I’m fine” I replied.

I kept quiet the whole time while babe cursed loudly when he saw the broken bed. I hated the place so bad. Something didn’t go away and I knew it will be there waiting for my arrival. I wondered why it always focused its attention on me, not babe, I mean since babe has some relations to it too.
My mind then had a life of its own and words I didn’t wish to hear spurted its way around and around, it made me feel dizzy.

I slapped my stomach hard, and forced myself to puke. I have swallowed 3painkillers before heading on out and I remembered a month ago that madam tang said that painkillers have ways to make you hear things. I don’t know how accurate her findings were, but at that point of time, all I could think of was to get them painkillers outta my system before the voices in my mind gets a firm hold of my actions.

Meanwhile, at the corner of my eye, I saw it crawling towards me, it’s siren cry getting unbearable.
I dropped to my knees, asking for forgiveness, over and over again, eyes tearing.
I was only 16 I explained. It was never good enough. Never.
I knew all along the mistake, I knew it all.

“Linda, whaddup girl? Need help standing eh?!” I heard Gary’s voice. My savior, I thought.

Gary came over to me, and he came to realize that I was shaking. I felt him grab my hands, and he hugged me tightly, his warmth was unbelievably comfortable and I allowed myself be protected by him. His body was stiff and I heard him whispered,
“where is it linda? Tell me!”
I pointed helplessly at the corner, even though I knew it was gone already.
He nodded and just swayed me back and forth, back and forth.

“I’m sorry linda, I’m so sorry.” He whispered.

He didn’t need to apologize, it didn’t have anything to do with him anyway. I just broke down. And then, beyond my control, everything went blank.
I woke up 10minutes later, with babe and Gary by my side. Babe was holding onto my hands. I looked at his pained expression.

“listen baby, I’m sorry. We’ll face this together okay?” I nodded.
I was just glad it happened when he was around.

Baby, why do we even try to erase all the pain in the first place, when it’s not going to end anyway?

2008-08-15T01:24:00.006+08:00

For a love that can be unstoppable.

Baby, I’ll be waiting right here. My mind is still stimulated by your strong smell that lingers around.
Please don’t forget the last night we had together. I had made it awesome, with anticipation that it’ll be temporarily tattooed in your mind. Well, for at least two days anyway.
I’ll miss you babe. I truly will.

2008-08-12T00:50:00.002+08:00

When the focus is on the game itself.

Suddenly everything seemed uncertain and bitchy.
Suddenly I feel so agitated and futile at the same time.
Suddenly I realized I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth to tell you all those things.
Because in the process, I’ve hurt people that I don’t intend to hurt in the first place.
My bad, my bad.
I’m glad because I wont be at work always, work seemed more of a burden to me.
I’m elated to be away for a whole week, to find my own peace.
Then hopefully I’ll be back rejuvenated and prepared.

For now, I want to drown my sorrows with Immanuel, my new found love.

Let’s play catching and I’ll let you lie down on the thin mattress while I gently stroke you’re disfigured skull. You’re too handsome to be true. Please don’t ever turn your back to me like how the rest did.

Because, I had fallen for you when I heard you laughing. It was the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. I am drawn to you like a helpless magnet.
Laugh while you can. Because I know that for us, time is slowly running out.
Immanuel, no matter how bad you make my lips bleed, I will forever love you.
Don't ever be gone. I'll hold on.

2008-08-11T01:38:00.002+08:00

The box.

I was perspiring, cursing under my breath.

“where the fuck is the fucking shit thing?!!!” I yelled at my mom who was cooking at the kitchen.

“I don’t know! I didn’t touch any of your things anyway,” she retorted back.

I cursed again, and brushed of the sweat that was trickling down my forehead.

“damn it!” I thought. “where the fuck did I put it?”

I stood at the entrance of my room, surveying its messy surroundings.
From the unwashed pile of clothes, to the three different cupboards, to the two random boxes I picked up from some cheap stall at chom pang.
I frowned. And thought for a bit.
I haven’t touched the green cupboard for ages, it’s ridiculous that it might be there.
I scratched my head. “oh well, might as well, “ I thought.
I opened the cupboard and ransacked through it thoroughly, throwing each rubbish aside, making my messy pathetic room even messier.
My heart skipped a beat when I came across something so familiar yet so distant in my memories.

I picked up the box; my hand trembled a bit, as nervousness sets in.
I gingerly opened the wooden box, I remembered that the cover was broken.
Then, right there in front of my eyes, lay pictures and neoprints that I had taken about a three to six years back.
I looked through briefly through each one of them and closed my eyes as I reminisce silently while my mom was babbling about god knows what at the kitchen.
Then I came across secret letters, of unfinished desires and fantasies. And it scares me how those thoughts came across my mind before.

Flashbacks occurred vividly through my mind, and I let emotions take over my thoughts, surprisingly those tears didn’t come down like how I expected them to.

I smiled.

I threw everything back inside the wooden box, and the little mistakes learnt in life.
I knew I had grown and matured over the past six years. I knew the wounds were healed and that the mistakes I did, it wasn’t going to be repeated ever again.
I placed the wooden box deep inside the cupboard. And I threw the trash that I placed aside back into the drawer.
“It shall remain where it should be, always.” I thought.
And the thing I was looking for, it didn’t matter to me anymore. For the meantime anyway.
Hahaahah, this post is fucking redundant I know.

2008-08-04T00:12:00.002+08:00

Look at how ridiculous I look. (LOL)

Thanks for the wonderful time just now. I love all of you! *skips to the loo*

2008-08-02T22:50:00.005+08:00

Take me to Brooklyn.

Everything is over, usually I will feel relieved, cause initially I don’t really give a flying fuck about attachment.
But now, there’s this huge part of me that feels incomplete.
And I realized that I miss the children. Every single one of them.
I miss chasing Justin around the centre, cause he cant sit still.
I miss carrying ajay and kissing his forehead over and over again.
I miss tying up all of the girls hair after they wake up from their nap.
I miss speaking to sam, even though he is autistic, because whenever I wear low cut tops to school, he will come up to me, point to my boobs and say “EE! Teacher linda! SHAME SHAMMMMMEEEEEEE!” over and over again.
And it will make everyone laugh.
And I miss spinning sam around and around and around and just hearing him giggle like mad, will make me one happy bitch for the whole day.

And these three lovely babes of mine were always there for me. When I broke down, when I needed encouragement, when I was feeling down. All of them were there. And the morning rants with lina, eating 3 pieces of Hawaiian pizza for lunch, bitching, crying, breathe-through-your-mouth-method-when-cleaning-children’s-asses-to-avoid-vommitting-technique, let’s go to chompang and waste our money on nothing, i-want-to-faint-but-i-cant-mood and I could go on and on. But I’ll stop. I love all these three retards because they are just wonderful and great and and whatever nice things you can think of. I LOVE U HONSSSSS!!!!
I know, I know, limited vocabulary time. Cock sia.

I am so tired, I keep falling asleep without noticing it.
I will update properly once I have enough time for myself, and of course enough rest.
For now, I want to extra thank these two bitches for being there EVERY SINGLE DAY and making attachment a lot more, well, bearable.
My babes, lina (as mentioned above) and aida.
I love both of you! =)

2008-07-27T14:45:00.003+08:00

Fighting against time.

I’ll be back sooner than you know it. I’m almost done with everything, so come on, stalk me now. I have all the fucking time in this world to entertain you. I was just wondering, did any one of you miss me?

2008-04-24T22:27:00.001+08:00

I need some space.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately and if you’re a loyal reader or whatever, you might already realize that I’ve not been blogging much lately. most of innermost thoughts, its over at lj, all safe and sound, only read by those people who knows and understands the real me. I know, its not some big fuck or whatever, but it does creeps me out that people I don’t know are reading this bullshit crap I’ve typed out, and whats worst, they make wild assumptions about me. Not cool yall. Not cool. Its been last month since I started thinking of shutting this blog down, but you know, only time will fucking tell.
So let’s just see, and let the decision be an awesome enlightenment.
Till the next post readers, from the bottom of my heart, please avoid casual sex.

2008-04-19T01:52:00.004+08:00

Supersonic.

Lydia told me i cant post her pictures here, cause she's shy. So being the best girlfriend ever, i've decided to respect her decisions, FOR ONCE.

School’s been great cause the hours are short. School’s going to be great for eight weeks only cause after that, attachment will start. School been great cause I don’t have to go there five days per week, only three. Oh yes, for eight weeks only. What the fuck.
School’s great cause I have the same friends. And we went tanning on Wednesday! Then we booked the whole classroom on Thursday, watched a bloody movie together and then slept together.

Me and naz were going on and on about the 10 commandments. We came up with this:

(1) Thou shall have to drown in shallow water.
(2) Thou shall step on sinking sand and drown in the shallow water.
(3) Thou shall yell for help to Lydia, and she’ll laugh at you and then ignore you while you’re drowning the fuck out in the shallow water.
(4) Thou shall have sand in your vagina.
(5) Thou shall have extra sand in your arsehole.
(6) Thou shall then dust of the dirt of your shoulder.
(7) Thou shall have a cum face (edited).
(8) Thou shall and must make love in the barber shop.
(9) Thou shall then be able to raise some money to open up a sex shop.
(10) Thou shall then again make love a million other times in the barber shop with a cum face.

You know what? After typing that whole chunk of shit, I realize is not that funny afterall. What the heck. Oh god, lectures must be so goddamn boring that me and naz find it so damn hilarious we laughed for a the longest time everrrr. I swear.

Just now, after work, amin came over to hang out! I miss him like big fuck, ya know.
“cum face, cum face, cum faceeeee, CUM FACCCCEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”
Everyone’s falling sick at work, its kinda scary.
I still think that the management at my work still suck, there are too many loop holes that I can spot and I still do wish that when I’m out of the fucking company for good, they would go bankrupt and the big bosses can all go kiss my fat ass!
Alrightey, whatever ok? moving along.

You know, sometimes I wish I can spit everything out to your face, and make you walk away somehow. You’re a burden to me, we’re running out of time, this is going to be your last chance to prove that you’re worth it. I know I’m not being selfish, all I know is that its about time I start to save my own ass rather than stick with you, and let you pull me down.

Life is unfair, its hard. Now, you work smart, you don’t depend on other people’s strengths to pull yourself through, you have to make the effort. I believe I’m doing this for your own good, for the future, in case, you decide to go to the university next year.
I swear, 10 years down the road, you’d be thanking me for ditching you like this.

Plus, you just irritate the hell out of me. I cant stand you since forever okay?!
Whatever. I think life’s gonna suck after the eighth week, I just hate attachments. Damn. Soon, soon I’ll be out of this shit once and for all.

And I hope I can never see your irritating face ever again.

2008-04-13T21:38:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.

Happy Birthday baby. I hope you like what I did for you yesterday night.
God, I love you like total big fuck.

And when you fall asleep inside of me, I noticed how beautiful and subtle you look, just like the angel in my fantasy.

I'm shagged. Tomorrow's school. I'm feeling excited, I think i shall sleep now.Good night asses.

2008-04-13T01:24:00.003+08:00

It's Laundry Day!

When everyone's bored at work.
Two more days and school will re open!
Oh god.
I am busy now, when school re opens, i will be too busy to shave my legs and armpits already.
As what COCK JUN always exclaim, "WALAULEI!!!!"

2008-04-05T00:32:00.004+08:00

Basically the holidays had been great and alright.
I was browsing through my photobucket album and i came across this picture.

Oh gawd. I really miss all of the girls. Seriously. And like some coincidence or something, I received an email form jumana! Ladies night on Wednesday! Wooppedoo!
I know, I know, it’s been a while since I updated whatever shit I do everyday, but hey, life’s been keeping me busy and also, I don’t find a need to blog about everything, unless, I have something important to announce to the whole wide entire universe or something.
My life’s been like this, working my ass out, then when the pay’s in, I’d go out catching up with them old long lost friends, with my baby, then spend it all at one short. When I’m (and babe) are broke, we will then start working our asses out, cycling, wrestling with one another, and then try to whip up something for each other, such as plain tasting noodles, too oily fried chicken, whatever.
And for your information, I’m still very much struggling with swimming. And sadly, I find floating difficult too. What the heck.
I enjoyed myself a hell lot at work, incentive money’s been okay, although I believe I could have achieve or to be exact, RECEIVED a hell lot more.
If I’m not spending time with any of my friends, or baby, I’ll be staring and talking to my lil cute turtle, which I believe (still) is a boy. (even though Lydia said it’s a girl). Well, I had two, one of them kind of died last week, I was so devastated, I love these turtles so damn much man.

I remembered babe tried to cheer me up. He bought me this whole tub ben and jerrys chocolate fudge brownie and I was still bawling about the turtle the next day.
Trust me, it was hard to see my little turtle floating lifelessly in the plastic cage. =(
And right now, I miss naz so muccccchhhhhh, cause apparently the week when one of my turtle died, I had a left swollen eye, and I was reminded of her.
Long story.

Pay’s in beybeeeeehhhhhh!

2008-03-31T01:38:00.003+08:00

No hesitating.

I thought it was a nasty coincidence that I actually did talk about it two days before. Not only was it a nasty coincidence, it became a harsh reality that he was back and closer than what I’ve expected. What’s worse, I had not even completed my bloody fucked up course in poly. Goodness, time really fly that fast, here I am, running out of reasons, lies to comfort and boost both his ego and self esteem. Here I am struggling financially with the only part time job that needs no transport fees or whatsoever, thinking it’s the safest place since the last invasion. I am so wrong now.

When I was about to celebrate the fact that my year 3 timetable’s fucking cool and I’m going to get done with it sooner than I’ll ever realize, this shit has to surface. Of all the other shits that I have expected to experience, this fucking shit. I am so tired. One after the other. One after the other trying to regain and grab hold of the past, smacking it back right onto my dumbfucked face, waking me up from the honeymoon I had with babe, back into the ugly reality that he used to stand where babe is standing, trying to seize back that position, trying too fucking hard.
And as the migraine starts to get worser, and as I realized that my painkillers are fast gone, I’m starting to sink faster.

Excuse me, can you please fuck off from my fucking life and give me a break? I’m sick and tired of fighting. It’s even sicker that you’re stalking me and watching my every move.
Open up your fucking eyes. Can’t you see how I abhor at the sight of you? You are living in total denial. I should also pour concentrated sulphuric acid into your pervert eyes.

Arggh!

And yes, I’ve updated my birthday celebration over at livejournal. Friends who go, you can just fucking go, I don’t need you and your bullshit anyway.

And thanks baby, thanks for just being there the whole way. I love you.

2008-03-26T02:59:00.004+08:00

I still have alot more to say to you then this quick shit.

Hello. *stares at the tagboard* it’s been a long time, really. My laptop kind of went crazy for the whole week, apparently on my birthday, which was why, I didn’t update since then. I’ve been very busy lately too, I’ll promise I’ll update on my birthday by this coming Friday, I’ll be free the whole day then.
For now, lets deal with *stares at tagboard in disbelief* gawd, hate taggers or whatever. I strongly have this crazy feeling that the hate tagger or whatever is a woman.
Alritey, *scans the tagboard* quoted:

“u sleep wit other pple husbands u stoopid biatch”

Ooooohh, hell, ouch! Well dear, hghjt6yrfghfhg, do you know that your tag bugs me at the wrong time. Well, and it caught me off guard for a while. The past ran through my mind for a while, and I was slapped hard by the past- yet again.
Think you did a fucking good job? Think again.
I guess, I have to explain here, so you’re somehow satisfied or something. *vocab running lowww*

Well, firstly, I don’t sleep with people husbands you stupid dumbfuck. When I was 15, I dated this man, for a while, and I found out he was married three weeks later. I know, HE didn’t tell me HE was married in the FIRST place, so if you want to blame me for anything, blame him FIRST.

And how did I found out he was married? Cause he had to rush to the hospital, while he was hanging out with me, just because his wife was delivering their first baby. It was sick, I felt disgustingly sick, and guess what? He was even more surprised when he found out I was 15, and UNDERAGED.

So yeah, whatever it is, I didn’t sleep with him, fuck him or whatever okay? You stupid bitch, asshole. If you wanna blame me, think first.
Why the fuck is he still going around looking for other girls when he is married to you. Let me lay down the possible facts for you, hghjt6yrfghfhg.

Firstly, your relationship or marriage with him is getting dreary and mundane, which is why he’s out looking for other exciting girls out there.
And secondly, you just fucking suck in bed, in sex. you can go read up on karma sutra or watch more porn videos okay? go pick up some creative skills there or something.
So, stop typing crap at my tagboard, and fuck off.
I have nothing to do with any married man already. it’s been three years and if you’re still stalking me, you must have no life. Move on la bitch.

This is a pathetic reply, but it’s the only good thing I can come up with for fifteen minutes, it will at least will put my mind to rest.for all i know, i'll rather spend my life, forgetting about all these fucking mishaps then to be reminded of them. this is probably karma, but i swear i dont understand where this is headed to anyway. this is the first time, i replied or retaliate to a hate tag through one of my post. bitch, you seriosly, should just fuck off.
And to arn, sufy, rahman, amin, thanks for supporting me, I love ya’ll!
Till Friday pervs, good night.

2008-03-13T03:46:00.006+08:00

Supper over at jenna jameson’s.

thanks fats, for this.:)

Today was awesome, with the people, namely, fats, amin tetekman, sufy, arn, man and not forgetting manisah.
I love ya’ll to bits.
All of them had planned an awesome surprise for me, I swear I was really touched.
Seriously.
Even though my tummy was craving for burger king, the moment they showed me the cake and sang me the birthday song, all the hunger just disappeared in an instant, for about five minutes I guess?

Heh.
I never thought we could be this close.
I appreciate what all of you did for me. I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!
Please refer to sufi’s blog for further pictures, because, for the first time (I thought I was dreaming for a while there), she uploaded all the pictures ASAP.
And it was all not resized yet. HAHAHA.
But now, it’ll all be resized and all beautiful.
Okay, about 70% of the pictures taken were all blurry, because mainly it’s either amin who takes the particular picture or the person who took the picture is vibrating with laughter.
I’m typing crap I know.
If only everyday was like this.
Thank you fats, for the gorgeous dress, the 14 cupcakes, thank you rest for the rest of the presents. I simply love it!
YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!

Tomorrow I’ll be working in the afternoon. Yay!
I’m happy now, I’m elated.
Happy early birthday to me, Friday, it’ll be babe’s turn.
It’s going to be wicked.
Baby, it’ll be just you and me eh?*inserts pervertic smile*

And as quoted form sufy’s blog “HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY LINDA!
MAY YOU HAVE A LONG HORNY LIFE.”

Oh thank you. I had wished that my menopause wont come that early just now.

2008-03-10T01:22:00.001+08:00

Hedonistic.

I am sorry for the previous post. Seriously. I can get so worked up over little things, but believe me after a few days, it’ll wear off just like how I predicted.
I am fine, I ‘m already fine. I’m not insisting, it’s true and I swear.
I’m loving the holidays, its been heaven.
Meet some long lost friends, looking forward the upcoming ones too.
Been talking and thinking about stuff, and soon, next week, my birthday.
Babe and I, we’re still going strong.
I miss my girls.
I’ve been away for quite awhile, been very busy with things, people who went by, still do come back in the end. I’ve been having dejavu’s and very vivid yet disturbing dreams lately.
What if I told you, I was well, psychic?
Liar. I could then have known the many other son of a bitches using my intuition.
What crap sia Linda.
Fine whatever.
I am lazy to elaborate, I should gobble down something before I head to bed. My stomach’s growling.
Oh yah, congrats nad for the a level results. (since you say its good)
Hahaha.
Ok bye.

And by the way, some people actually accidently swallowed babe’s semen as it spilled on to the chicken rice chilli.
Nabei. And they said, it tasted awesome.
Bunch of innocent people who’s never gonna get sore throat ever again.
Watermelon frost my foot.

P.S :AMIN, aku sayang kau k tetekman!

2008-02-28T01:39:00.007+08:00

To satisfy all of your desires.

Two nights ago ( or was it?) was a night I never could ever forget.
And I was right; the majority of people who read my blog are not surprisingly a bunch of pervs.
This was meant personally to those people who read my blog, and I don’t know you mutually. I don’t mean to discriminate pervert people or whatever, I’m just stating this, cause I want the whole world to know partly the reason why I have a livejournal, to vent out other important stuff, cause I figured all of you pervs wouldn’t need to know or even if you give a flying fuck, it’ll be of no business for you to know anyway.

Holidays are back, which means, working time and catching up with friends.
So far, the holidays were extremely excellent; it makes me reflect on some major things in life.
Over the weekends, I met Nadia, and we bitch about a hell lotsa stuff, I am so not willing to share with all of you. The things I know, partly made me feel upset, and if I could get my hands on concentrated sulphuric acid or whatever acid, I would gleefully pour it over a particular person’s face which practically spells out “B-I-T-C-H” on her black forehead. Reminder : I am not racist and it’s true. I am not being sarcastic, I fucking swear. Ice cream had been fun I hadn’t had so much ice cream for three days straight and apparently on that day, babe was in a freaking foul mood. This is a normal kinda routine for me, labeled “separation anxiety”. Of course I hadta rush all the way to see him, and I was sweating, and he smelt of chlorine, it makes me sick for a while.

I am so looking forward for the next outing with her, this time hammie’s gonna tag along too, I’m patiently waiting for her to finish her bloody exams. Counting down.
Next, was out with my class girls, as usual I was hell late. Naz was mad, as usual of course, but it all turned out fine, minus the fact that we were thrown beside a bunch of son of a bunch of bitches hooligans who had nothing better to do, but allow cockroaches to fly freely and so called liberally through the wee hours of the morning, and to knock “anonymously” on the doors when we closed all curtains.
And naz and some others were being arses blowing fucking whistles while I was trying to knock off some bed, with my ass, sagging uncomfortably to the cold ground.
But I still love her and the rest, like always.

They surprised me, joanne, and foong ling with this heavenly chocolate mousee cake, it was like whoa.
Well,Happy early birthday to me.

Different temperaments, different backgrounds, different traditions of thinking about life, however the odds were, we were still together and we clicked.
All the eleven of us.
The night of confessions and crying the eyes out (for some of us) were unexpectedly… well, unexpected.
And as I was drooling on naz sweater, falling deep into sleep, I smiled.
And had the most weirdest dream ever.

Breakfast was beautiful, journey back home was peaceful.
I came home, had a long hot shower, exfoliating my face hadn’t been so great, and sat down, staring at my two terrapins.
Something was bugging the hell out of me.

And then I realized,
I forgot, to fucking chop of joanne’s bangs and make her up.
I am too bloody groggy and aimless to have that slipped of my scatterbrained mind.
Shit laa!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never mind, what’s sentosa, and swimming for babes?
And baby, I’m looking forward to ours too, I love you like hell.

My baby is the hottest one of all. hahah. nabei.

Pervs, you can now all go and fucking masturbate now.
Till the next post, love ya’ll.

P.S not all pictures are posted, cause it was not meant to.

2008-02-17T22:49:00.002+08:00

my brain is asking me to stop.
it's so puny, it cant absorb anything at all.
and please grow up la, u fatty bom bom.
stop being all emo and poetry whatever. it DISGUST ME!
and baby, i miss you like fuck okay!
i hate this, but as long as you understand, education needs to be fucked first.
after i'm through giving a flying fuck about this shit of exam,
we can then have blow-outta-your mind fuck.

i love you, baby.
"eh stop it dgn muke pervert!"

all of this is undeniably suck balls!
*what kind of english is that?!* i am not crude.

see??!!!! i''m going crazy reading all this bullshits about special needs.
i want to become the ant on the floor, right this instant!!!

2008-02-11T12:47:00.000+08:00

I’ll always be your baby.

Babe and I had out heart to heart talk yesterday. Our insecurities, the fear we have yet to face in the future, it was like this significant game every person on earth has to go through.
Babe has been asking questions, to determine my sanity level, we ate a lot, chain smoked and we were aimlessly walking and talking.
All the answers and revelation satisfied the jealousy and anger that had been growing in me since the past month.
I’ve got to know babe for nearly three years already, it was easy to see right through him.
It was the same for him too, which was why he picked me up surprisingly yesterday evening and took me out for dinner- I knew he wanted to talk.
It went well yesterday, and we’re better and all lovey dovey all over again.
I am proud that babe finally let his fucking ego down and had the initiative to go down to my place, with his cute lil puppy eyes and told me to get changed.
I was pleasantly surprised, really.
Awww, I love you honey.

I’ve been working non stop since Tuesday till Saturday. Been working full shifts. Been working like a zombie.
I suffered a tremendous backache and babe’s magic fingers had somehow made my back feel a wee bit better yesterday.
However, the people at workplace keeps me going, the bitching, the cursing, the dirty jokes, the squeezing of boobies, the rolling of eyes and the eat all you want while you can thingy is all so very awesome and gerek!
Hahaha.

And I love Amin’s delectable cheeseballs!!! Yay!

Today I’ll be working at Carlton. I hope my back wont ache anymore, cause today, I cant divert my attention from the pain, since I’ve run out of ciggies and apparently I am saving up for stuff, and I am on the verge of being broke anyway. So yeah. Today I am going to work, and focus on getting the cash after work. Hell yeah!

Look at the time now, its 1.30pm. and I have an appoinment to meet wendy and Lydia over at bukit panjang at 3.3pm and chimes at 4.30pm respectively.
I’d better get going now, it’s going to take me forever to iron the skirt and find the stockings. Oh hell, where the fuck did I stash all these things anyway?!
Oh great, I just found out that the exams is this coming Friday, DPIP ( I thought it was CD first laaa!!) when all this while I thought it was next Friday.
Damn. Goddamnit!! Forget it then. Focus. Backache, ciggies, cash flow tonight.
Yes!

Why, hello people, I hope you have a nice day today. *rolls eyes* Good afternoon!

2008-02-06T00:39:00.000+08:00

Open sores.

School’s closed for study week. And I am having feeling mixed feelings about this.
I am afraid; they will come and haunt me, since I won’t be busy as always.
I am afraid that my therapist will come knocking, and burn my dad’s cash once again.
I am afraid that I’ll talk in my sleep, and blurt secrets out.
I am partly relieved as the hell, of assignments and projects are so fucking over and I can finally let lose and go around just fucking about.
I am gleefully happy, cause I have finally more time to myself, and to reflect on whatever that I can.
Cause reflecting on whatever I can, I realize, school actually brings out the best and the worst of a person.
And as for me, school, keeps me sane, most of the time anyway.
I think if I blabber too much, people would get bored.
Don’t worry, I am still here, blogging. However, most of my personal thoughts are at livejournal, together with obscene pictures.
To have the privilege to read them, please, create a livejournal account and add me in the following address : Linda-white.livejournal.com
Of course, I have the benefit to reject or accept you as a friend. And for all those people who know me, as in know-know me. I’ll accept you, I promise.

I’ve been having sleepless nights, and its bothering me cause I’m afraid it’ll start to bug me, when my mind start to wonder further then it should.
I’ve already put my therapist number on speed dial, just in case, the emotional part of my brain is conquering the entire spectrum of the cortex or whatever they call it.

On a lighter note, I am still trying hard to learn to fucking float.
Babe’s been a very patient personal trainer I must say.
I think my post is getting so very mundane.
As you can see, I am trying real hard to type down my train of thoughts, and it is all jumbled up everywhere, and anywhere about anything under the sun.

I want a c section, if not I’m not going to be pregnant ever again.
I need to lose weight, seriously.
I need to read more and maybe ask gopal the in depths of karma sutra.
I need to buy a lot more aromatherapy candles.
I need to ask babe to stack up on those cheap red wines and booze.
I need to clear up the apartment cause babe and I haven’t been spending our nights there for about three months already.
I need to pay the fucking rent.
I need to put a huge pretty frame in the fucking room, with a picture of me and babe.
The one in which both of us are naked.
So that Richard would stop ransacking the apartment and spoil my fucking vibrator in the process.
Cause he’ll be too sick and disgusted, as he will be seeing the naked pictures of me and babe hung up artistically all over the apartment.
I should re paint the apartment black instead of sick green cause it’ll make everything look sexier.
I hope Richard or adam have not been bringing over sluts or cheap prostitutes to fuck in the apartment, cause I can see stains on the fucking floor.
I am pissed, because I cant clean away the fucking stains.
If only there were floorpapers.
It would look funny if I stick mickey mouse wallpapers on the floor instead.
Damn.
I cant believe the rent is still ongoing.
FUCK YOU LA.BUNCH OF CHEBYES AND DICKHEADS.

I am a sucker for tall, lanky guys.
I have a dirty confession to make.
I have a huge crush on a married man.
And babe thinks I’m sick in the fucking brain.

In conclusion, I could feel my therapist jumping for joy over at Holland village.
I could here him saying “ hello Linda, it’s been a long time, I guess, you must’ve miss me.”

Linda, don’t you dare ever fucking trip due to the therapist presence, understand?!
Oh hell, this is so not happening right now.

What does ducks have got to do with awsome sex anyway?!!

2008-02-04T15:33:00.000+08:00

A lil too late.

aku tau da basi, but still.=)
P.S. sory aku hentam byk kau nyer brownie tau.
haha.
sedaaaaaaaaaapppppppp.

wek,wek,wek.

2008-02-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

Finally.

When the clock strikes four today, me, naz and Shaheila bounced our way towards the bus stop. Okay. Maybe, I’m the only one who’s bouncing about.
Cause all that was inside my puny brain was the fact that I am done with every assignments, for real.
I went home, send an email to my lovely naz, and I lay down in bed, the feeling of satisfaction engulfing me.
I am nearly fucking done with year two!
Next week= no more fucking school.
Next week means more working days and staring-into-space days!
So awesome. It’s been so long since I have proper time for myself, and only myself.
The next few days are going to be awesome too.
Fucking around with babe tomorrow night.
No plans for Saturday yet.
And Sunday would be sufi’s pit.

I feel so hyper now, I think my nose is going to bleed again.
Exams are coming soon.
Seriously, I don’t really mind if my gpa hits only 3.0 this semester.
I will be totally fair and happy with it.

I am excited and I love everything that happened today.
Everything is just falling right back into place.
Now all I have to do, is to apologize to those people whom I’ve cursed at during those difficult times I had to fucking face.
And I shall start with babe first, tomorrow night.
Honey, you know I miss you so much even though we see each other everyday.
Thanks for being there to keep me sane through the stressful nights. I love you baby.

2008-01-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

i will be back.just two more weeks, all of this things will end.
if i could, i would just fast forward this phrase of my pathetic life.
all of you suck balls. STILL.

CLICK!

2008-01-23T00:32:00.000+08:00

I think something's wrong.
with everything.

will sorry erase everything?
I AM FEELING SO FUCKED UP.
i just feel like shutting myself out.
tommorrow, just tomorrow to fucking fuck through.
and i'll be all ready and set to get on all out for the rest of the other projects.

dont you understand?
the menstrual cramps, sore throats, and individual practicum with a bunch of hooligan kids is wearing me off.
my mind then tends to drift away more.
i am careless, i have very little empowement over this.
mind over matter is easily said then done.
screw loose, your face suck balls, everyone is just mad at each other without even saying anything.
its ALL wrong.
and i'm wrong too.
for forcusing at the wrong things, the wrong time.

i cannot be a teacher.
i'm in the wrong course since day one.

take all of this thing FUCKING in.
not blaming anyone. keeping cool.
like how joanne phrase it, i will try to be nice.
and not bad.
or swearing.

SORRY LA FISHES!!!!!!!!!:(

i dont feel good, physically.
i shall go sleep now, and hope when tomorrow, i wake up for practicum, i wont forget to bring along neccessary stuff cause i realize my spelling mistakes in this entry is a lot.

go fuck.

2008-01-20T00:31:00.000+08:00

Hard candy.

baby, i love you so much, it scares me sometimes.

and only you knew i love sunflowers.

2008-01-17T01:23:00.000+08:00

Living WRECK.

He ran down the alley, in search for the girl.

“Lindaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He yelled out. There was only pure silence.

It was so quiet, he could hear his own breathing, it was ailing and dictating his thoughts. His eyes scanned the empty alley wildly in search of her. He held up his hands, it dripped her blood.

“She was bleeding..” he thought.
“How the hell can she fucking run?! How far can she run anyway?”
It seemed like it was just seconds ago, he had held her in his embrace and nothing else in the world matters.

Then, she had a sudden outburst and ran out of their house.
He cant remember why she bled, he cant remember why she ran.
He thought everything was well, she had taken the medications, and everything was going smoothly.

He shook his head; he had taken things for granted. He should have been closely monitoring her behaviors.

Now, she was nowhere to be found.
He fell down to his knees, his head dropped helplessly onto his open palms, and he silently wept.
His tears swirled with her blood and it dripped on the asphalt road.
He then held his head high, towards the heavenly sky and prayed. He closed his eyes tight.

When he opened them, there in front of him,
Was a wailing baby boy, and Linda, was lying beside the baby, bleeding profusely to death.

***
I accidentally bumped into Aisha today while sitting down by myself, just smoking. She had a look at my palm.
Aisha said I was going to die early.
It made everything worst.
Everything came back at once, even babe’s nightmares, was scaring the fuck out of me.
It’s coming back, only at the critical point of my life.
FUCK WHY?!!!
I don’t believe this shit anymore. Stop haunting me already,I've regretted.
i'm sorry.babe's sorry too.

2008-01-16T13:51:00.000+08:00

I am

so

FUCKING DISGUSTED

by everything.

2008-01-13T14:37:00.000+08:00

Make believe puppy head.

Yesterday was another night spent with babe.
Thinking of being an air stewardess, leaving babe behind its just so.. cruel.
Oh well, might as well spent time with him as much as I can whenever wherever.

AKU SAYANG LAKI AKU MANYAK2 K.

K la, mcm kens sak ckp gitu mcm.

Tomorrow, naz, wendy, Jennifer and joanne will be coming over to MY house.
Yipeee! YIPEEEEE!!!!!!!

k bye.

2008-01-11T00:08:00.000+08:00

And when time is running out you wanna stay alive.

I have a feeling that tomorrow’s going to be an exciting day.
I want to see the truth and only the truth.
School’s is being so bitchy.
I have less than eight hours of sleep for the past whole week.
It is not healthy.
Thank god for white space.
Thank god for naz.
Thank god for babe.
I feel somehow motivated.
Yay.

Linda: "Naz do you love me? banyak2 ke siket2 ah?"

Naz: " Linda.....(irritated face) why are you SO INSECURE?!!!!"
(-___-")

One more day till white space week.
I am anticipating. Just 24 hours more.
Move on girls, all you need is to slap that person with the facts and truth.
I’ll support all of you.
I am excited over nothing.
It’s redundant but I think I love this feeling.
It makes me think of cotton candy, rainbows and cornfields.
I cant wait, I cant wait. I cant wait.
My feelings have grown; my patience is slowly turning comprehensible.
I guess, it just explains why things are the way they are right now.
I’ve been day dreaming a lot in lectures and tutorials, I guess my mind’s a million miles away from here.
My tummy’s swollen, babe’s starting to worry. My tummy hurts only at night, and….. it’s swollen. That’s what babe says, i think he is hallucinating or something. He thinks I’m gonna have my period, but its not the date yet. Now he thinks, there’s still something in my tummy or womb and ask me to go for a check up.
I hate checkups.
The doctors would put weird stuff IN me, poke weird stuff onto and into me. It’s worst if they start poking things through my fucking vagina. This is so not cool at all. And babe would be going “its alright baby, they’re doing this for your and our own good.”
Oh man, when I’m the one suffering. How would you like if I stuff something down your hairy ass?
Damn.

Well just now I told babe that our baby might be colour blind, just like me.
He laughed.
I didn’t find that funny at all.

2008-01-08T00:01:00.000+08:00

Hello stranger.

Thanks for infecting me with your rashes.
Thanks for tolerating when i exposed myself to the public.

You know what, I think you make me fall for you all over again.
and again.
and again.
and again.

why the fuck do you always do this to me baby?
can we do this and be like this forever?

2008-01-06T03:04:00.000+08:00

Just for today.
(i'm telling the truth.)

Although, I've got the best intentions, I can never predict anyone's reaction.

I have this humongous intention to blog, but as soon as I was online, I was distracted by lihan and sadiq, about school and nonsense, respectively.
Whatever it is, today I want to announce to the whole world, that today, I look like fucking crap.
Luckily, I didn’t have the rashes babe had.
If not, I’ll look like trash.
Eight weeks till school ends? That’s pretty long.
Chebye.
When I thought that at least 15 feb school will end, like how last year did.
I still look like crap.
Erghh.
I will forever hate work, I need to contact lily ASAP, but her phone’s down.
Oh man.
I still haven’t “come up” with the other 5 journal entries, because my mind’s too clouded with why the fuck I look like crap today.
I’m gonna be assessed next week, and I am nervous. Fucking nervous.
I hope I don’t look like crap on that day.

On the other hand, look what I've got.=)
Another person, whose always distracting me. And i sometimes got so dizzy till i start to type crappy stuff. then he'll go something like "rjjggr(unknown stuff)jgrffdfiTYFHSN....IRRITATING LA KAU!" okay. so yeah. so then, i'll talk with babe for a while and then continue to irritate him or other people. I am so FREE like that.

Yesterday babe didn’t want to have dinner with me, cause he had rashes, it was pretty disgusting. But he came down anyway.
I had a good time, laughing about his rashes.
No wonder I look like crap today. Must be fucking karma.

Today, I was finally pissed.
Some people just don’t want to leave me fucking alone and hadta text me when I was sleeping so soundly, beside babe.
Stupid FAT trash.
Just fucking fuck off la. I never want to know updates about you anymore, or go to any place to see you performing or whatever. Its like total fucking crap ok. It didn’t work out years ago so let it be. Compare to what I did, felt when I’m with babe, then when I was with you. It’s a huge difference, I hadta lie so many times last time when I was dating you, to be with babe instead of you.
Now I know what’s the difference between pity and love.
It’s mind over matter. Like nasty over kind.
It was a sudden decision, sudden pregnancy, sudden awakening.
It all went well.
And I just want to say, you suck your own fucking "invisible" balls. Thank god, you let me go after so long. At least, I said it was over, you confirmed it could be over, after much unnessacery transition. Babe was at least patient and understanding. Which showed how much he wanted me at that time.
I nearly thought I was a lesbian when I was with you. Damn, if you know who you are, and if you're reading this, GOOD. Today i replied your irritating text with an exclamation mark? Remember??!

yah, it was YOU. I'm refering to our STAGNANT relationship ancient years ago.

The important part was:
I WAS NEVER HORNY when i was making out with you LAST TIME.

Got it? stupid fuck fatty.

Today’s Sunday, and I’ve written a lot of crap that’s momentous to some.
I need to fucking sleep.
NOW.
And YOU, yes YOU, disappear! *woosh!*

Keep on moving forward.
God will do the rest.

2008-01-02T00:04:00.000+08:00

It might be a lil too late, but heck, HAPPY NEW YEAR YA'LL!!!!!!

2007-12-30T01:56:00.000+08:00

When something like a soul becomes initialized.

Somebody tried to seduce me yesterday night with candy coated, beautifully phrased words. Hell, it nearly worked, NEARLY.
But I had to turn the offer down. Somehow I felt like some big fuck after I’ve walked away, cause it IS a very difficult thing to do. You know, to like walk away from your unresolved past and just let it rest. And then you leave a fucking hot ex boyfriend wailing out to you, pleading, for you to have a last good flying fuck with him. It took alot of thinking and contemplation. But i'm proud of what i've done and it means that i do not need theraphy anymore!

What’s more is the fact that I don’t think that life’s a big gamble anymore. Cause I’ve had enough of this game.
And I just have to have babe all to myself, with no culpability, no dirty fucking secrets, no nothing. I’ve noticed that it’s comforting to know that you’re in an honest relationship, and that no one else can share the things, that babe and I do together, especially during those cold, rainy days. (Meow!)
And if I happen to get pregnant later, I am sure to know who the father is. *Clasps hands in delight.*

On the other hand, babe and I had a little tiff just now.
We were walking around some shopping mall, when my eyes lingered into a lingerie boutique.
So I was asking babe, “baby, do you prefer me in a transparent thong/underwear/whatever or do you prefer those normal ones?”
And he answered sloooowwwlllyy “Dooooon’t ask, SurrrPrise meeeee…..”
Hah! Upon hearing that answer, I turn around; away form the lingerie boutique, to look at him, with my horny basterd face, only to realize that he was squinting his eyes, reading some words from some fucking tshirt on display.
PFFFTTTTTTTTTT.
I should have known. And I smacked his fucking head. HARD.
Oh well, baby, I still love you. At least you weren’t looking at whatever that you shouldnt.

and You know what?
From this (insert every beautiful &positive words from the dictionary) relationship I had with him, I somehow learnt something.
I’ve learnt that:
Sex is easy. But when you want to find love, and then stay in love, that’s a whole different story.
Cause to stay in love, that’s the tricky part.
To me, that’s where being honest plays a fucken gigantic role.

Woah, I feel so matured and experienced right now. *flashes middle finger*.

2007-12-28T22:34:00.000+08:00

The reason to still smile.

Huiwen emailed me this, on chrismas day i guess. oh yes, if you're still clueless.
i am actually the one named "booby linda".
thanks huiwen. hahaha!
you're so fucking weird sometimes.
but you know i love you.=)

2007-12-28T13:52:00.000+08:00

A placid distress.

Tell me what to believe, so i can move over.

Friends, they come and go.
Sometimes, you’re frustrated over the fact that they’re drifting away.
Sometimes, you just can’t be fucking bothered.
Those who made an impact have a lower probability of coming back.
Those who don’t, they always come back, well, most of them do anyway. Yes that’s what they always ask, why do good things come to an end?
Sometimes, my ego, paints a whole different picture.
At times like this, at times when the hectic schedule is taking up most of the leisure time, I’ve found out something, that I think may effect me emotionally somehow, it’s no big deal really.
Those who’s gone, others come to replace them. Probably better?
Awkwardness is something I try to avoid.
It’ll be better this way.
STD’s, vaginal infection, is absolutely way better than a bunch of idiots, who backstab and go telling everything to the ex-boyfriendsss. Which is a very not nice thing to do, you lil son of a bitch who needs speech therapy due to the special needs that has got to do with his fucking diminutive asset he has in his mouth. (that was the harsh, yet true reality) I think someone is feeling it!
Yah, hell, I’m hissing right now.
Gawd damn, when will this fucking stressful period end baby?
I want to work at sentosa with nadia, and get haunted by pocongs.
Febuary, febuary, febuary come quick.
Baby baby, I need you.
To whom it may concern, although I’ll doubt you people reading this shit, I guess I’m just venting out the frustration inside.
I’m cool now, I know how important it is to move on.
and what I meant is that I’ve moved on, only the sad fact just altogether crush me.
one more year or less, till the another violent ex boyfriend is released.
I’m trying to find a gentle way to encourage him to fuck off in my life.
Oh hell.
Help.

On a lighter note,
Talking to hammie yesterday made my day.
Except for the fact that she thinks I’m pregnant yet again. Lol.
I miss you. we’re gonna catch up, and bitch like there’s no tomorrow babe.
Soon, I’ll be like one year away from the shackles of education. And I’ll be chasing my dream to become an air stewardess. Hell fuck, I can smell it!

2007-12-27T01:14:00.000+08:00

Red wine, fucking booze and maple syrup.

My day started at 10 fucking early AM on 21 december, last Friday. Because I had to meet babe at 3pm. Babe had apparently demanded me to take the whole day off, to spend time with him and have “heart to heart” talk. Moreover, our 2 year anniversary falls on the next day, so yah, I had to. Cause I’m dying to take some time off from my hectic work, assignments whatever fucks anyway.

i baked it all by myself. i know, i look like some stupid dumbfuck.

I forced myself up, rushed to NTUC to get some last minute baking needs. Yah, believe it or not, I’ve decided to bake babe cookies. You know, like some kind of big surprise. For our two year anniversary. Awww. I know, I usually don’t really prepare surprises, but hey, babe’s different, he have this power, to like amaze me or something. Right. Moving on.

Whatever it is, I finished baking my cookies at 4, thank god babe was still sleeping, so I had adequate time to like wrap the cookies nicely, write some romantic note, and yah, it looks so fucking nice. I had a fucking hard time controlling the icing seriously though.

straight outta the oven.

Since babe and i are tight on cash, we couldn’t afford to crash into some hotel later in the wee hours, so apparently babe had planned to go to east coast. He’d borrow his friend tent or something. Whatever it is, we had some shelter for the night, and its fucking free. Sounds good enough to me.

We reached east coast at 8pm, find a stupid spot, for the tent, pitch the stupid tent, dump our belongings inside the fucking tent, and took a long aimless stroll on the beach, just talking about stuff. It somehow made me feel better, since me and babe had been through a lot of misunderstandings for the past few weeks, it felt good to have heart to heart talk. It felt good to have someone understand. It felt good to know that someone is trying to help and make you feel better. It seriously helped me both mentally and emotionally.

By 12, we came back to the tent. It was our anniversary, I gave babe the cookies, thank god he fucking loved it. Awwwww. He ate every mini piece of it, and kept the big one (the one with the 2 on it) for next day.

Babe got me something too, I was fucking surprised by what he brought for me (I wont tell), we had a mini candlelight dinner , under the stars, everything was just perfect and lovely.

Setan.

Oh yes, and the camera died down on us before we could take lotsa picturesss. Stupid fuck. so yes, i didnt take alot of pictures. damn!

That night, I had a little too much to drink, I knew that around 2-3am, I was in a drunken stupor, and babe had to force me to lie down in the tent, all I could remember was him saying to himself “alamak, puki la ni pompuan da mabok sebok sial,” hahaha. Romantic nk mampos la sial. Babe stayed up, was there when I was puking, he was there till I fell asleep. Then he zipped up the tent and slept together with me, with his arms around me, just to make sure i didn’t wonder around sleepwalking.

The fucking tent had bad ventilation, and when we finally woke up at 10.45am the next morning, I was fucking dehydrated. I forced myself p to drink this whole bottle of mineral water, and in about another 15 minutes, I threw up everything back.
I thought I was going to die. Stupid vagina.

What’s worse, was the fact that I had my period on that day. Wah, awesome la sial! After puking like a lot of times, I somehow felt better.
Then I changed into bikini and babe and I swam around first before we sauntered our way home.
I reached home at around 3pm and I slept for the rest of the day till midnight or something. I had a great time with babe altogether, minus the puking and screaming in the wee hours. And also the puking in the morning. I swear from this day onwards, I would stay clean from alcohol for at least one month.
I love my horny baby so much laaaaa. Awwww.

We fuck, we drank, we sang.
It was just perfect. And amazing.

Now, back to the assignments baby.

P.S. I typed this thing in like 20 minutes, so heck if I have grammatical errors or whatsoever la k. please refer to my livejournal for more obscene pictures.

2007-12-23T01:55:00.000+08:00

Soon pervs.

For now, i'm wasted.
A hangover.
Baby,thanks for last night, the WHOLE night. I fucking love you.

2007-12-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

Hello and Goodbye.

linda-white.livejournal.com

2007-12-16T19:09:00.001+08:00

A compulsory trip to Botanical Gardens.

I am tallest in class and i cannot lie.

I love naz and i cannot lie.

Oh gawd. Just look at jasmine. what the hell is she doing la.
P.S. she's right in front of me.

k bye.

2007-12-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

In the midst of my anger, and hectic schedule, somehow 12 December seemed to be so goddamn disturbingly familiar. It brings out this warm aura, like during my secondary school days.
At 10 something minutes I fucking realized, it’s nadia’s birthday.
WAH CHEBYE!
So I had to look inside my photobucket album, and came up with this picture of me, adi and her in 2005. Apparently, I was 3 months pregnant with babe’s baby at that time, which was why I look that way two years back. Kepale toot.
And I did not cover adi’s face like how nadia did when it was my birthday(in her blogpost), cause I think he looked good with white misai.
Matching la sial dengan dier peh baju.

“EH NAD!!! Chebye!! Kau da 18 siak!!!!....”
“HAHAHAH!aku sekrng lei beli rokok sendiri….”

Ahahah. Ape saje la si vertically challenged ni.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIA!!!! =) We shall meet up one day. One day in febuary (my two months holiday la sial).
Now, where was I?
Oh yes, lesson plan evaluation.
Kepale taik betol.
Benci.

Ps: david, i miss u too. soon. soon.=)

2007-12-11T23:12:00.000+08:00

Just when i thought i could skip one session of field practicum and make it up someday.
just when i was smiling from ear to ear, looking at my laptop screen.
just when i thought, this is it, i know what i want to do.
just when everything was looking positively exciting.
then i hadta look at the date.
and i was fucking furious.

i can't go for the SIA cabin crew carrier talk, that had to fall on wed, 9 january at 12PM!!!!!!!
CAUSE I WILL BE ASSESSED ON THAT DAY AT 11AM!!!!!!!!

eh fuck la your father mother chebye kannina nabei isap konek

kau pepek berair ketiak mcm

kontol, jubo korang berbulu

ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PUKI.

i wanted to fucking register la.
stupid fuck.
my dream to be an air stewardess, is out of reach once again.
next year,i swear next year, nothing will fucking stop me.

2007-12-11T20:23:00.000+08:00

FUCKERY.

i need a break.
SOON.
lick lick lick.
i'm seriously going crazzyyy.

2007-12-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

On the verge.

I hate everything that has happened.
I dont feel good physically
School’s been good, with only MY girls.
And I’m seriously not affected about anything.
Cause I have better things to tend to, for example, I have to come up with geniuses lesson plans and also, plan other fucking ways in which I can earn more money to support MYSELF.
Cause my pay, plus the portion of babe’s pay money, is not enough to clear my NEEDS.
So yes, I believe you do get my drift.
It’s not easy on any one of us right now, cause I don’t really find a need to give a fuck in this matter.
It’s true, what my ex boyfriend’s mom used to say, sometimes you need to be cruel, to be kind.
If you ponder on it, you can somehow get a little enlightenment, that is if you are not dumb or a two faced bitch.

All of you can go and die.
Just three more years till you’ll be released out of jail. My heart is dying to tell you the fucking truth.
I am not naïve, you cant force me to marry you.

Kepale buto betol.
Aku benci member.

" I lied on the very first confession. What did you expect from me?"

2007-12-05T21:37:00.000+08:00

Being the eldest child, I bear a lot of unwanted responsibilities.
And having a fucking self centered, very dumbfuck sister,
It doesn’t help one fucking bit.

2007-11-30T00:41:00.000+08:00

Till the end of time.

When my grandfather passed away, you were there.
When my uncle passed away, you were there.
When I passed my o level, you were there too, the next day.
When my father threw me out of the house, you were there.
When I had terrible cramps, you were there.
When I was sick, you were there.
When I was mad, you just held me tight, you were still there.
When I had to talk, you stayed up all night, just to listen.
When I was having mood swings, you took away the painkillers.
When I didn’t want to see you, you stayed out at my window, and sang our song till I let you in.
When I cried, out of exhaustion, frustration, you were there.
When I was sick, you were there.
When I was undergoing therapy, you’re there.
When I was in hospital, you took leave and were there.

We laugh together.
We’re always broke.
We share dirty secrets.
We let our fantasies take over the reality.
We've escaped fear twice.
We've faced the burden since forever.
We'll make love till we go weak.
We've murdered two lives already.
We've moved on.
We live with the shame, trying to let go.
Only you knew.

You were always there.
You see through me.
No one else did. No one babe.
I love you.
It's always been you and me. Always.

2007-11-26T23:25:00.000+08:00

Rendezvous out on the fire escape.

One week just passed. One more week closer to supervision. I’m seriously having nightmares waiting to be supervised. Cause mine’s next year. And each week I have to watch/listen as my friends get supervised FIRST. It’s irritating like fuck la. Here I am, struggling to juggle between math lesson plans and also not forgetting science lesson plan. I tell you, pimples are popping out of my face like ferero rocher nuts and I’m still trying to calm down my swollen breasts. Unbelievable!! After like four days, it’s still swelling. Stupid fucking breast. I swear sometimes I feel like hitting them with a humongous hammer until its flat like roti prata.
U know? U KNOW??!!! U KNOWWWWWW??!!!!

Today I feel so frustrated, cause my group had decided to do on the IT project. IT PROJECT LA SEY. With the stupid teacher, how the fuck can we survive the project? TELL ME! Me and naz was cursing like mad, trying to figure out things, and I ended up trying to sleep, and occasionally asking Shaheila to shut up, cause she’s practically screaming at the notes in the library.

Overall, today, school is sucky, cause it has always been fucking sucky, and it makes me go crazy cause I know I’m starting to type nonsense here. Eh stupid chipu neh neh!

There I go again and again and again. Moving on.

Ooohhh, I love rainy days. It makes me all horny. And when I’m horny, I’ll find babe.
And then I’ll purposely make babe angry at me, cause he’s extremely sexy when he’s angry.
And when he’s all sweaty, cursing and frowning at me half naked, he turns me on.

I love you Ihsan. Somehow, you never fail to make everyday, bearable for me.

2007-11-24T00:43:00.000+08:00

My girls.

I didn’t know I could be this contented for the whole 6 hours today.
Right, minus the part where Shaheila had to describe how her supervision went and that made everyone think about assignments.
I didn’t know that my back could ache like fuck after walking around and around and around and around, without sitting.
Cause my back didn’t ache when I hadta stand for 7 hours while working.
I didn’t know that I’ll bump into Nadia.
Cause I haven’t seen her, and we don’t go around bumping into each other everyday.
I didn’t know that heart to heart talks could make me tear up.
When it has got to do with babe.
I didn’t know that I didn’t eat a lot.
Cause I usually do.
I didn’t know that having my girls around will somehow divert my attention from period pain.
Cause in school, they can’t.
I didn’t know that my girls thought about me.
Cause today, they surprised me, by buying me a gorgeous BIKINI!
I didn’t know that Joanne is so hilariously hilarious.
Cause she hadn’t been cracking me up like this last time.
I didn’t know how wendy remain so skinny even though she eats quite a lot.
Cause I’m jealous, that she’s been forever skinny.
I got to know that NAZ is now size 25, when she used to be 27.
It makes me want to strangle her.
I didn’t know that only me and joanne can give birth, naturally, cause especially wendy and naz, they’re gonna have problems giving birth.(to naz : HAHAHAH!idiot!!)
Cause my momma said so.
However, I DID know that having Lina, Lydia, Wendy, Joanne, Sheheila, and Naz around ME, is well, lovely.
Cause then I know I’m being loved and P-R-O-T-E-C-T-E-D.(especially to lina)

And yes,the poster thing. Me and naz, working together in total SILENCE.
This is what we can achieve :

pretty good u say?

and also, presenting:
The things that you should have known.

“Linda, if people steal your thumbdrive, they’re like stealing Tammy’s phone la!” (Lina)
“No wonder, your thumbdrive got virus!!!!! HAHAHAH! IDIOT!” (Naz)
“weeeeiii!!!!!!!” (Linda)
“eh, by the way, how blind people have sex ah?” (Linda)
*excitedly* “Oh! Oh!! by GROPINGGG!!!!” (Naz)
“HUH??! Do sex must see one meh??!” ( Joanne)
OH gawd. I could still laugh, even when typing that.

see?I look so happay in the picture, like a monkay!hahaa.

Wendy, joanne, lina, Lydia, Shaheila and Lydia!!
THANKS SO MUCH FOR JUST NOW!! I LOVE YA’LLL!!!
THANKS FOR THE BIKINIII too!!!!!!!!!=)
I love it!!!!!!
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ps : there should have been alot more white space weekssssssss. right?

2007-11-24T00:17:00.000+08:00

Run like we have a day with destiny.

“Dear diary, yesterday was therapy day. It was awesome. I think I’m getting a hang of all this shit. Babe tagged along, we celebrated our monthlyversarry (in which I had totally forgotten about at first) after that. It was all so stress relieving. I’ve been awfully sick this whole week , it sucked big time. Now I have swollen breasts, swollen stomach, a very cranky womb, and thunder thighs. ERRGGGHHH.
I am having my period. And till now, I still don’t understand why my boobs hadta swell when I’m having the muthafucking period. This is so depressing cause my boob hurts like durians, it hurts worst than the fucking cramps. I feel……”

Right, moving on.
Flashback one of the days when “i-was-fucking-sick-week”.

I lay sprawled on the bed, not noticing how much space I’ve taken up. Babe sat nearby, his PSP on his hands, attention on the PSP alone. I frowned at him. He didn’t even notice. I rolled on my side, facing babe. I then focus every ounce of attention I had on him. Particularly on his now twisted face. I stared. Tick tock. Stared harder. Harder. Tick tock. Tick tock.
For what seemed like an eternity, he finally turned to me.
“Yes baby? How can I help you?” his fucking hands were still on the stupid PSP.
I frowned, not answering him.
“Don’t be like that baby,” he continued. Then his right hand lets go of the stupid PSP. Babe then stroked my hair softly and kissed me on my forehead. I smiled lightly.
“You’re shivering,” he whispered.
He pulled the blanket on my bared chest and went over the coffee table to get the thermometer.
He brought over his cup of coffee, and inserted the thermometer into my mouth.
“you know baby, you’re going to be well soon, then you can have as many ice cream as you want and play in the rain with me,”
“MMMMMmmmmmm.”
“I don’t think you should lose weight, cause I think you look cute with a lil belly,”
“MMMMMM!!mmm!!mmmmmmm!!!!!MMMM!!!”
“Shhh, don’t you try talking, you’ll ruin the reading.”
“MMM, fummmm, FFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!”
“AWW,common, now you’re trying to swear at me, with that thermometer in your mouth?”
Babe smiled. I shoved my fist right in front of his face and he quickly grabbed hold of it on time.
I gave him that look and he said “not until you promise me that you won’t attempt to punch me for the second time,”
I nodded. The digital thermometer then gives this weird sound out and babe slowly took out the thermometer.
Babe tilted his head to one side, and smiled. He then stood up and messed around with the things inside MY closet.
“NOW WHAT?!” I muttered.
He turned, gestured for me to keep my mouth shut, I flashed him the middle finger. He ignored.
He kept rummaging through my drawers. I’ve decided to ignore him, and took a sip of his coffee instead.
He came back, pretty fast, with my shorts, and t shirt.
“hurry up baby!”
“WHAT THE….”
“your fever’s down! let’s go have some ice cream!”
I glanced at the clock. It’s 1am.
“but babe, it’s 1am!!”
“7 eleven laaaaaa!!!!”

Somehow, he managed to get me out of bed, to the nearby 7 eleven. And soon, I found myself sitting and cuddling at some bench with him, just feeling a wee bit better physically, and just laughing and talking like nobody’s business.
It’s during these times; I feel that being aimless is cool.
Then babe started singing this song, and then he kissed me.
I think that ice cream tasted much more better in HIS mouth baby!
=) hahaha!
And I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world at that point of time, without my makeup and bra on, wearing just plain shorts and some baggy ugly tshirt.
Thanks babe. Thanks for being there the whole time.
The hospital, the nursing, the staying up nights.
I love you like big fuck okay.

“Let’s go to the park, I wanna kiss you underneath the stars…”

2007-11-16T00:06:00.000+08:00

It’s been awhile.

I’ve recently been battling weird dreams. It comes in many different disturbing ways, edging on the peculiar ones clearly, portraying my fantasies and selfish, lustful wants. I’ve been counting the months till school ends, and I’m proud to say I’ve finally given up. it’s still an undeniably long way to go, I’m pathetically struggling on the various modules, I have no budding interest in. I think the only think that’s not fair in this world is school, if there’s no school, everything will fall nicely back into place and I’ll be living my simple life achieving nothing in particular. This will be absolutely magnificent.

And tonight I’m not afraid to tell all of you, that I’ve open a new phase in my life. I’ve ditched my therapist. And my dad can finally save his money on andy’s new secondary school stuff, and maybe have a nice romantic dinner with my mom.

How time flies. How life is getting less tough. How school always never fails to bring me down. How I distract myself in the littlest things just to stand on my own two feet again. How stalker still lingers around, bringing in the dreadful stench of the past along.
How I longed for revenge, but the future, divert me forward, pushing the stalker aside, pushing the long lost pain away, carefully building up on my self esteem.
How wonderful it is t be blessed with wonderful souls in my life, getting me on this right tract, trying their best to keep me focused on the positive things, reinforcing every good occurrence, and dumping the depressing aside.
How my therapist had finally found the solution to the things that’s swimming in my mind. The voices in my puny influenced head. How I’ve woken up everyday smiling. How I’ve finally managed to shake my therapist’s hands firmly, confidently. How I’ve taken a last long look at him in the eye, and said thank you.
How I’ve walked away boldly, never ever looking back.

That does somehow explain the reason why I’m battling all these weird dreams. It’s cause I didn’t take enough medication to pull through this separation anxiety with the monthly therapy sessions.

The other day, my chest hurt so bad, I thought I was going to die. But look at me now, I still look so damn fine.

Oh fuck, ijust babbled a whole lot of fucking rubbish.
Pooi pooi pooi.
December holidays come to me quick, I'm dying to have orgasms with you all over again.

2007-11-04T14:04:00.000+08:00

Especially for Naz.

This is my 12-YEAR-OLD brother, andy.
Naz, LIKES. like, LIKE, LIKE,LIKESSSS him.
I think he still is not mature yet, cause he's still havent got wet dreams before.
that's pretty suspicious, cause if you're wondering, my YOUNGER brother, who's 12-YEARS-OLD, is apparently TALLER than me, and my boyfriend too.
and he is still clean, no wet dreams.
which is a blessing in disguise.
cause i still can walk around naked in the house(when my dad's not around) and do stuff naked in the house, and still sleep naked in the house despite my mom's nagging about a growing boy in the house, not healthy and bla, bla, bla.

yes, naz, you OWE me one for this.
save this picture for your own use.
HAHAHAHAHA.
what a fuck sia linda.

wait, does that makes naz a pedophile ?

2007-10-30T23:06:00.000+08:00

The hectic schedule.

Tomorrow is the start of attachment, a step closer to the assessment by field supervisor. Tomorrow, I have to start wearing baggy shirts to attachment centre.
Tomorrow, I have to look like a maid or old hag, walking to and fro bukit panjang area, in baggy shirt and pants that would not show my ass crack.
Tomorrow, in the morning, I would not and could not; cause I fuck can’t smoke on the way to attachment.
Cause apparently, first impression counts.
I can’t smell like smoke when I reach there, that’s not good.
I must be a role model you know.
I have to, to pass this thing.
I know I WANT to at least have a diploma.
I know I WANT to also be successful in the future.
I know I WANT to finish all these attachments very soon.
I know I WANT to finish school altogether.
I know I DON’T want to quit halfway through.
I know I HAVE to enjoy myself in the midst of finishing the pathetic diploma.
And I PRAY tomorrow, the kids in my new childcare centre would all be angels in disguise.
And the mentor would not be some old grumpy biatch.
I SHOULD be optimistic now. I SHOULD dance to raffi’s song and be happy, be in the mood for tomorrow, 3hours is fast.
Oh dog, 2009 please come fast, I’m dying to fuck you.
Right, moving along.
I have to tell the whole world this, NAZ thinks my brother’s cute. SHE LIKES MY BROTHER. As in like, like. You know, like that kind of like. Oh hell, she’s a sick pedophile I tell you. My brother is fucking five years younger! Haha! Kidding babe. I wont post my brother’s picture here, yet, cause he’s fucked up face will spoil the whole of my blog entry ya know?
I’m going to be busy for the next few months, and I’ll be updating randomly here while my livejournal will still be updated regularly.
Work had been so darn irritably annoying like a thousand and millions of unnecessary fucks. The new manager is so unprofessional and he’s a scumbag. I could give a thousand reasons of how fuck up working can be with him and with mak tiri, but some words are better left unsaid, I know that unwanted people are reading my blog, they like to invade into my privacy and then with whatever comprehension and juicy stuff they know, they’ll try to bring me down.
Since when did I benefit from work anyway? It seems eons ago that I actually enjoyed working and even though the pay’s all raised and stuff, the bitching and the backstabbing continues. “Lotsa” son of a bitches works there, waiting to be fucked by baguettes. I will gladly and willingly be the person fucking them all up.
Babe and I, we’re all over rollercoaster! Right, that doesn’t make sense, but whatever. The picture's taken a few weeks back, and yes, I've unfortunately, babi-ly gained weight.

Time goes by, but we stand still.

We’re still together, and we’re closer than ever. I’m just glad and blessed to wake up every morning, smiling, knowing that somewhere in bukit batok, babe’s loving’s me and he’ll come over to my house in the evening, to have our regular talks and dinner and whatever. I love Ihsan like some serious fuck okay. Whores, go find other dawgs to mess with.
HAHAHAHAHHA.
Today is a fruitful day, I've learnt that if I keep digging my nose, the IT teacher’s saliva’s going to splash all over my face.
The truth sometimes disgusts the fuck out of me.
Okay, goodbye pervs.

P.S: david, I still miss you.
=(

2007-10-27T01:30:00.000+08:00

When the going gets tough.

taken 21-11-2005

I’ve wondered for the millionth times, what the fuck am I going to do, after I graduate with a pathetic diploma. I’ve talked about so many possibilities with babe, we’ve been talking about it since forever, and it’s driving me crazy. I HATE school, I HATE attachment, and I feel so demoralized, cause attachment is going to start next week, and I am still not prepared, and obviously not looking forward to it, since I don’t have Jaime, and she’s gone to some other centre, the feeling just terribly suck. It’s worst cause I can go on and on about the shits, but the main point is, it wont help me a single bit if I rattled on bout this and that. Yawn. And yes, BORAAANNNNNGGGG!

It’s a good thing that attachment is just one day per week; I wonder how I’ll cope in year three, goddamn. I’ll shudder just thinking of it. A hundred percent disgust and repugnance. *flashes middle finger*

I have my dreams, I’m looking forward to april 2009 (long way to go still) and and I can go fuck away with whatever I want to do and just happily fuck about not going to school and attachment, and the art of forcing myself to wear baggy secondary school shirts to attachment centres so as not to show my ass crack, or extremely obviously bouncing boobies when I dance around or play with the kids in the centre.

Urggh. Looking on the brighter side, everything’s working out with me and my baby. It has brought about this feeling of greatness in me and also not forgetting the fuck aside assignments, fuck off three language arts lesson plan and also fuck forever attachment day on Wednesday.

I love my class girls (thanks for making school bearable), I love Naz, I love IHSAN. and joanne, I miss Doodle already!
I shall go get one for myself next month.
And I have no choice, but to go on a crash diet, cause I think I’ll forever look fat in everything.
YAY! YAY! YAY!!!!
Goodbye, and if you’re horny, put a terrapin in your breasts. It helps.

Girls, i LAV all of you! *rolls eyes*

2007-10-24T22:21:00.000+08:00

When you tell stories, bout your quest for me.

I ran anxiously down the stairs, looking at the time.
I was ridiculously late.
I cursed under my breath.
Hell, fuck your momma.
While running, I held my tigress hair down, and I prayed that my mascara hadn’t smudged my face during my 15minutes nap before.
I irritated myself.
Clank, clank, clank.
My high heels suck. All of them terribly suck.
I burst through the front door, hand still on my tigress hair.
I stood dreadfully still, and struggled to breathe normally.
My eyes roamed the deck.
Left to right.
Right to left.
I arched my eyebrows and wondered.
Clank, clank.
“Honey?”
Clank.
“Where are you?”
Clank, clank, clank.
I tore open the first plastic cover.
No one.
Clank, clank, clank, clank.
Fuck. This is so not fair!
Clank, clank.
Clank.
Clank.
Claaaannnkkkkkkkkkk.
I spun around.
There was this sudden gush of air, it messed up my tigress hair.
I frowned.
Clank.
“Honey?”
Clank. Clank.
Then, somebody grabbed me rudely from behind.
I struggled hard for a minute.
Then I saw the scars on his rough fingers, as he held me tight, oblivious to the physical pain that I was experiencing.
I stopped struggling and relaxed.
The grip loosened slightly.
I gave myself away as I felt he positioned his hands on certain parts of my body.
I smiled to myself, as I felt myself being lifted up till, I manage to see the full view of his face.
Tears started streaming down my cheeks as I cupped his face in my hands.
He smiled back.
“happy monthyversarry” he said.
“I’m sorry I hafta steal you away from your current boyfriend,” he continued.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“I’ll do anything for you, so you would forgive me of my sins, for making you choose me over him,” he added.
I smiled cheekily.
He kissed my eyelids softly.
“be my personal stripper tonight,” I replied.
“for you, it’ll be free,”
“ I know.” I nodded.
“I love you Linda,”
“I’ll take good care of you,” he yakked on.
“Shut the fuck up and strip,” I retorted.
He placed me gently on the sofa.
Then, he does his thang while I giggled like a lunatic over at the sofa corner.
He was the sweetest thing alive, two years back.
He was my candy.
Until now.

Bring it all back; make it all fall back into place babe.
Something’s missing.
It’s utterly terrible. i miss us, and the old times.

2007-10-21T02:58:00.001+08:00

The day you went away.

Today was fun. Jalan raya with the secondary school friends. I was pretty tired, however, since it was a once in a year kinda thing, and we all have so much to catch up on, it was hard to try and fall asleep.
And I feel like puking now, and it’s irritating the fuck out of me.
Geez.
Thanks, nadia, ayun, adi, nizam for being there.
It was fun and stupid and crazy and talk cockish day.
Thank god nadia didn’t go home or something (to study for a levels) cause then I’ll be stuck with the guys, and they might then turn to porn or whatever.
Fuck everyone who went home just to study a levels, or have made other dumbfuck plans.
Eh fuck la, stupid or what?!
I am in so not in the mood to update now, cause I’ve already updated livejournal.

I am distracted like fuck cause all I could think of is babe.
Babe, babe, babe.
KL sucks la okay. Three days is like too much la chebye.
Tomorrow night will be the night.
That night.
Errgghh.
Come fast tomorrow night, bring my babe back in my arms.
=(((

I miss you Ihsan.
I know you need to fuck me.
K bye.

2007-10-12T02:17:00.000+08:00

Visual Stimulation Part 1.

On,wednesday, was the second time me and babe went down to geylang, however this time, it was with his school mates. The first picture depicts them in saddam hussein drink stal, trying to look busy.

Along the way, we came across, Wan.

Babe is short, period.

This is babe's friend's mom's shop. they were all trying to attract more customers. trying. as you can see, their efforts were to no avail.

I think babe should fuck the satay power stall harder, cause the food suck. a hell lot.

Blogger took sucha long time to upload them pichas, so i guess, visual stimulation 2 would be on my very often updated livejournal. this includes a video.In advance, Selamat hari raya.

Bye pervs. See you all there. (linda-white.livejournal.com)

2007-10-09T01:15:00.000+08:00

Thanks naz, for yesterday.
i had fun.
i love you.

2007-10-07T03:32:00.000+08:00

The last goodbye.

Today while working, Aisha came. Oh and she’s 20, I think. It’s been a long time, so I asked her “eh, why never work so long?”

She gave me that look and replied “I came here to resign,”
Right. So she resigned. Like finally.
And she went off.

At around 10 pm when everyone was yelling at each other to hurry up and do the dishes, mop them floors and stuff, Aisha came back.

“Hello Linda, I came to bid you farewell,” (she’s that formal.)
I gave her that look and said,

“You’re off to the states already? You got the university admission there? When?”

“In December, and I won’t be seeing you anymore by today,”

Okay, so I was trying to ignore her to hurry finish up washing the dishes and stuff so I could have a proper conversation with her.
I could feel her staring at me with that look on her face, while I’m doing them dishes.
“I’m not coming back to Singapore, you know?”
I turned, gave her that are you damn serious look, and she nodded.
“GAWD!”

Before I go further, lemme describe Aisha. Aisha’s a geek. She likes to wear tight black slacks and baggy shirts. And her socks are stripped, always. Her hair's short; she started wearing mascara a month ago and her bangs are long, it covers half her face when she don’t clip them all up.
Someone told me she looks like mickey/Minnie mouse, I just cant remember who.
Yeah, she’s cute in a weird tight way.

And me and kak wati was trying to persuade Aisha to take a picture or something so that we can remember her after 10 years. And she didn’t want to. Damn.

She went like “I’ll do anything else but not taking pictures. Linda, I can accompany you to the toilet, or do the dishes. Just anything, but not that!”

Right. So I continued ignoring her while she babbled on about her love for physics and maths (since she chose some physic and maths thing at the uni). And how she can’t live without maths cause it’s all around us or some shit.
Then it was time for her to go. I had some last minute chat with her.

And she said, “Well, Linda this is it,”
And she held my hand.
And she said “good luck in everything you do, erm, what’s the course you’re in again Linda?”

“Early childhood education,”

“WAAAHH! My mother is a childcare teacher too!”

I laughed.

“I wipe toddler’s asses,” was my reply.

“Okay Linda, you can start by practicing wiping you’re ass first,”

“WHAT THE FUCK SIAL!!!”

“Stop cursing Linda.”

“EH FUCK LA SIAL!!!”

“Stop cursing,”

“EH RAHMAN’S DICK WHEN ERECTED IS THE SIZE OF HALF THAT BAGUETTE LA SIAALLLL!!!!!”

“Stop contaminating my head.” (covered her ears and eyes)

“Right, I’m stopping, rigggghhhhttt abbboooouuuttt NOOOOOOWW.”
She looked at me,gave me that look, resumed to holding my hands, and she said.
“ I’ll be missing you and the way you talk,”
“AWWW, aisha, I’m going to miss you too. Beware of freaks and rapist over at the states and don’t do drugs okay?”

“Linda, you know me right? So stop it okay!”

“And yes aisha, last but not least, practice save sex!!!!”

“I’ve planned not to have sex till the day I die.”

“WHAT??!! Say that again??!!”

“I’ve planned not to have sex till the day I die.”

Now, I can never understand that.

Time check its 3.32am. aisha is probably doing some research on physicy stuff. Or doing her wee hours run.
I think I’ll miss her, like five years down the road or something. She’s weird, I like making friends with weird people. They’re cool, even though they don’t want to have sex at all.

And and andd!!!!! I’m meeting NAZ in about 16-18 hours time!!!!!!!!
YAYAAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!

=)

2007-10-05T01:42:00.000+08:00

When boredom strikes.

_________________________________________________

1. You can only say Yes or No!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!
3. Tag 5 people to complete the survey!

_________________________________________________

Kissed someone on your top 8/16/24? what the fuck is that?!

Danced in front of your mirror naked? Yes.

Ever told a lie? Yes.

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes.

Kissed someone of the same sex? Yes.

Kissed a picture? Yes.

Slept in until 5 PM? Yes.

Had sex at work? No.

Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes.

Held a snake? No.

Ran a red light? I dont drive la sial.

Been suspended from school? No.

Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? I say i dont drive la sial.

Been fired from a job? No.

Sang karaoke? Yes.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes .

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? No.

Kissed in the rain? Yes.

Sang in the shower? Yes.

Gave your private parts a nickname? Yes.

Sat on a roof top? Yes.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes.

Broken a bone? No.

Shaved your head? No.

Slept naked? Yes.

Blacked out from drinking? YES.

Played a prank on someone? Yes.

Had a gym membership? No.

Felt like killing someone? Yes.

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse cry? Yes.

Cried over someone you were in love with? Yes.

Had sex more than 4 times in one day? Yes.

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? No.

Been in a band? No.

Subscribed to Maxim? No. (what the fuck?!)

Tripped on mushrooms? No.

Donated Blood? No.

Video taped yourself having sex? Yes.

Eaten alligator meat? No.

Eaten cheesecake? Yes .=)

Still love someone you shouldn't? NOPE.

Have a tattoo? NOPEEEE!

Tag five people:

You dumbfucks want to do this, you do it.
tak nak buat, kau nyer pasal ah!

and yes,
i've trimmed my hair.
and i dont feel like rumpunzel anymore.
=(

2007-09-29T02:57:00.001+08:00

The disheveled fantasy and reality of yesterdays.

I ran into the lift. Perspiring. I took huge gulps of air, trying to console my insides. I thought of Timbuktu, I thought of boating at the Bahamas, I thought of having a honeymoon at Mauritius, but failed. I had to let it out. By all means. I struggled hard. I stopped breathing, hoping that the rush will stop trying. Erggh. I couldn’t. It wouldn’t stop trying somehow. I unbuttoned my tight black jeans quickly. I squatted. The lift was at 10th storey. I made up my fucked up mind and let it all out. Aaaah, the feeling of fulfillment, the feeling of satisfaction engulfed me as I pissed on the walls of the lift. I was grinning form ear to ear when it all ended. I quickly zipped up my pants, and was confident to walk away from the vandalized lift, when I started to slip. Before I knew it, I was down on the lift’s floor, my right hand, in the puddle, in my very own fucking warm piss.

Oh, how dumbfuck was I?
I laughed the whole walk back to my house corridor, making sure that the pissed hand did not come into contact with anything that should not smell of piss.

If you’re disgusted, I don’t really give a flying fuck.
When nature calls, you have to let it all out baby. Especially when it’s urgent, and especially when you’ve already been ignoring the calls for four straight hours.

HAHAHA. Alright, moving on.

Somehow, the other day, I had this urge to vent my thoughts somewhere, somewhere more private, more secure. That’s where I had been blogging/journaling so far. I am pretty much contented over the fact that busybodies won’t be able to get a hold of whatever materials, pictures, whatsoever that I had uploaded or typed online. Ahh. And I feel at peace now. Please do not worry, cause I will still be blogging here, but my more private thoughts, fantasies will be jot down somewhere. =) i’m using livejournal, not the current livejournal that all of you know, but some other livejournal that I had just created. Only my close friends I know had added me, or I added them up. so if you want to read more, or give a fuck about what stupid crap I write elsewhere, you add me up at livejournal. If I want you to read the crap I write, I’ll accept you. if not, then too bad.
Here’s the damn address : linda-white.livejournal.com
Ciao prevs.

2007-09-26T03:01:00.000+08:00

Everyone’s got a fear about the bitter one.

I went home today without babe. He was still ill. I brisk walked the whole way back. Deep down I had this dreadful familiar consciousness that something’s going to happen. I walked along the path, and the lamppost light went off. It was a sign. I glanced at my hand phone watch. It was twelve midnight.
I turned my head, to see if anyone was stalking me. No one. My palms started to sweat. I walk faster, my legs muscle started to cramp. I struggled as my cheap shoes started to slowly slip.
I ran up the short staircase. My legs were screaming, I frowned as I saw that someone was seated calmly at the bench near my void deck. It was a familiar figure. I squint my eyes to get a clearer view of that person. Failed. It was dark; the lights at my void deck somehow had died. The familiar figure stood up.
I frantically pressed the lift button. It was on the seventh story. Coming down.
I cursed.
The lift started going down. Sixth storey.
At the corner of my eye, I could sense that the figure was walking towards me, slowly, uncertainly. Fifth storey.
I clenched my fist hard, still cursing.
My mind forced me to turn to have a look at the figure. However, I fought back that powerful urge, afraid to face the terrible truth.
I felt someone tap my shoulders. I knew it.
“Linda?” that voice. Hoarse and deep.
Second storey. That voice used to be so sexy and alluring last time.
Then cologne started to waft through my nostrils, my eyes automatically closed as memories flooded my mind.
Fuck. I cursed. First storey.
My legs trembled and shook.
“shh, don’t be scared,” again.
My fist was still clenched.
I shook my shoulders, an attempt to get his dirty hands away from my body.
I turned to face him. The face I longed to see for the past four years.
“What the fuck you want from me?!” I hissed.
I absorbed everything I could from that short five seconds.
Tall, dark, muscular, the same scar on the left cheek, clean shaven face, full lips, beautiful full lips.
“Your forgiveness,”
Fuck. I started to tear up, yet I don’t feel that usual heartwrenching regret I used to feel for the past four years.
I knew it. I’ve finally moved on. Ihsan taught me to move on. He thought me affection and the true feeling of being loved.
I struggled to keep calm as I felt his eyes linger to every inch of my body.
He stared at me intently, trying to read me like how he used to last time.
“ I hate ..y..you” I choked out.
“four years Linda, four years,” was his reply.
“I still want you, I want to make up for all the lost time,” was his next reply.
I realized I couldn’t take it anymore.
I looked at him, my eyes giving myself away.
“You’re still terrified of me aren’t you?” his hand started to move, trying to caress my face.
I slapped his hand away.
“Fuck off,” I muttered. I took one last glance at him, estimated my only aim, and spit on his face.
I pushed him hard, I felt him for the last time and I quickly went into the lift and closed that damn door, pressing the button hard.
He stood there.
His eyes tuned misty, as tears started to fill. He ran clumsily to the lift door and placed both his hands on the glass panels. He pleaded with his face, full of regrets, hurt and guilt.
I watched confidently as tears rolled down his cheeks and as he tried frantically mouth out something.
“Maafkan I ,” (Forgive me.)
I continued to stare at him, into his eyes as I let my insides break down for the last time.
As the lift went up, and as I saw his fingers slowly slipped away from the glass panels of the lift, I thank god for giving me the strength to go through this shit.
I banged my head on the lift walls and bawled.
Four years and a half of waiting for him to come out of jail was hell. One year of rejecting male’s physical affection had nearly turned me into a bisexual. Two years of having consistent struggling nightmares was indescribable. three years of walking around trying to find reasons, of why he’d did what he did was depressing. Four years of therapy is down the drain cause it never helps in the first place.
Oh hell fucked up yes. I’ve moved on, and I’m glad I’ve found Ihsan to guide me along the right path to heal the wound I had all these years.

Now run along, and don’t ever come back.You've never deserved to deal with the games in my mind.All these madness in me had stopped.Because of you, I've lost and failed to reach out to human faith and affection for about four years.I never knew you would abuse me in a way i had never ever want to know. You're going to be all alone now.I swear.

Cause I’ll forgive you Shah. I’ll forgive you once you give me, my virginity back.

2007-09-25T00:37:00.000+08:00

A day without babe.

I am terribly ill.
I have fever.
I hate fever.
Babe has fever too.
Babe is too weak to come over.
He's grunting and groaning.
I keep calling him every half an hour, just to hear his voice.
Today is fucked up day.
I dont like today.
I dont like my father.
My father will lose his job soon.
I dont like it.
I dont like everything today.
I'm going crazy.
Minutes is turning into hours.
And the new timetable suck like some bad fuck.
I hate school even before it started.
I am seriously pissed right now.

And now I know I need you each and every day.
I'm going crazy,when I can't touch you.
Crazy,when I can't hold you.

2007-09-24T02:25:00.001+08:00

The living monstrous human resource.

How is puasa going along beautiful people?
Mine’s down the drain. I’ve put in much effort in trying to puasa, but somehow, deep down, I know I am not that ready, in a way that my efforts are not sincere, not from my heart. So I’ve quit trying so far, maybe, I’ll try after my period’s done.

Painkiller time!
Anyway, my body is not “clensed” (not cause of stupid period) and even if I explain, it would take ages. So moving on.

Work had been my best friend, I am truly missing the girls and school (minus attachment part)
Work was fucked up so very fucked up on Saturday. Like the biggest chebye I’ve ever experienced while working. Angie was away in china for about three weeks and they had this new manger to relieve her while she was away.
Right.

The relieve manager's name is david. And he is one mothafucka sonofabitch clumsy fat faggot dim-witted and distorted looking manager I’ve ever seen. Okay exaggerated. But you’ll totally know what I mean if you work with him. So I’m not wrong if I’m describing him with harsh vocabulary. Afterall, he’s one of those people who easily gets on my nerves. What’s worse is that he tucks in his uniform, IN his underwear.

You people get it? uniform is tuck in, IN his underwear. And I happen to know that cause his trousers happens to be pretty loose-fitting. And I certainly don’t see the purpose of him wearing that damn belt he’s wearing. You want to know why?

Because I happen to EVERYTIME and ALWAYS see his yellow underwear when his trousers start to slowly sag and I could see CRYSTAL CLEAR that his underwear is YELLOW in colour and that his uniform is TUCKED IN his underwear. Okay whatever. His underwear had been YELLOW from Monday until Thursday and it was navy blue on Friday. Don’t ask me weather he wears his underwear on four sides before washing it, cause I don’t really give a fuck.

Well, manager underwear had been working with me, and he’s the most unprofessional manager I’ve ever worked with and I could just go on yakking some stupid flying fuck about him, but I am a nice person, and I know when to stop. *flashes middle finger*

Oh well, just three more days of working with him then angie will be back. Hopefully he’ll go away, or I’ll be forced to have to kick his fat arse.
I miss all my class girls so bad, I wonder how all of them are doing. They’re probably busy with work just like me, or maybe they have encounters with managers too, just like The Underwear Manager. Hmm, I wonder.
Moving on.

Babe had stolen my water babies cause he said I keep dropping them water babies into the toilet bowl. =(
Now, from a half full bottle of water babies, it has shrunk to only about one tenth of the bottle. =( hey, it’s not my fucking fault that them water babies fell into the toilet bowl. They’re slippery and small anyway.
Whatever la.

Haha. Happy monthlyversarry babe.
You can stop looking at my boobs now.

Lol.Take care people, and I love ya’ll.

2007-09-19T01:30:00.000+08:00

“An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.” –Mae West.

My mom woke me up, cause she felt like peeing for like the hundredth time since 12am.
And now I am finding great difficulty trying to fall asleep again. Blame the polyclinic doctors. One week ago when my mom came back from her frequent checkups, (my mom is diabetic)and my momma brought back this really huge red container. I was like,

“Momma, itu bender uat pe??!!” (what’s that container for?)

“Ohh, doctor suroh mama kencing for this one whole week, kasi ni container full la,”
(oh, the doctor told me to pee in here, make this container full)

“Siak je!! Buat ape sei mak! HAHAHA! Mak da kene kencing macam anjing sei!”
(What the hell! For what??! HAHAHA. Mom, you need to pee like a dog already!”)

“ Kau kurang ajar eh! Manerlah aku tau. Alamak tapi ni container besar jugak eh! Ape je tau dorng nak air kenching mak banyak2!”
(You have no manners ah! How I know. Alamak but the container quite big eh! What only they want to do with my pee!)

And since then, my momma had been trying very hard to pee and fill up the container, and tomorrow is her check up.
And the container is only three quarter full.
Hell.
No wonder she’s still trying to pee at this hour.
HAHAHAHAHA.

Oh well, so far, I’ve been a good girl and I’ve been puasa-ing. YAY!
Babe and I is all well and healthy, we meet after break fast to just hang out, but most of the days I’ve been working, he’ll be picking me up or hanging out with them boys if he’s too tired.
And I’m trying to lose some weight here, babe said I had Britney spear’s tummy. I made him watched britney’s terrible latest performance at the VMAs. And he was like, “Baby, you have britney’s tummy and lovehandles.” OH SHIT! I look like a PIG too??!!
And he was like “No, you have a better body, only your tummy.”
=(

So yah, I’ve been trying very hard to lose them weight, especially those lovehandles.
I swear if I got them lovehandles gone, I’ll look like a 18 year old virgin. Oh hell yes, it’s that fucken bad people. I should stop pigging out after and before fasting.
GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I’m still trying to change for the better you see, it takes time, it takes patience and it takes sincere determination to fulfill whatever I have to.

Today work was pretty much very laid back and I didn’t lose my temper at any petty customers, cause there wasn’t any. Right, whatever. Then May gave me this cute little jelly coloured balls, she called them “waterbabies”. Its cool cause I was really mesmerized by the texture of this waterbabies or whatever. And I find it entertaining. Oh well, I was pretty much engrossed with these balls throughout work and I guess when I’m sick of it, it’ll probably die cause I won’t really change the water you know?
Okay, like as if you understand. Moving on.
Today I work together with Shima. So after work we hung out, it’s been a long time.
Shima is like someone I can ask for advice and stuff, cause I feel that she’s matured and she’s well, really understanding and stuff. So yah. We can talk about anything under the sun and go on and on. Like seriously. YAY! I can’t wait for pay day and then go look for high heels and accessories and whatever with her.

Here's britney's performance.
i used to adore her, like seriously.
only one word for the performance, OUCH.=(

I am so hooked on her new sonnngg!!!GIMMMEEE GIMMEEEE MOOOORRREE!!!!

Tu silencio. =)

2007-09-15T15:44:00.000+08:00

How come I always have weird dreams?
I am so tired and I hafta work later.
I am pretty much happy with my GPA, it has improved.
I am now waiting for the incentive money to roll into my bank account.
Then babe and I, with his accumulated money and my incentive money, can go and shop for our baju raya.
Then I can go out with Naz to buka puasa too.
Then I can do so many things.
Hopefully my love handles will somehow grow less visible this month.
I really needa lose those excess weight.
If not babe will go on twenty four seven pushing me to do sit ups and stuff.
Or he’ll threaten to lock my house refrigerator up.
My poor laptop is having problems yet again, my heart is partially broken.
I love you laptop, please get well soon, I’ll promise I won’t watch porn.
I am fasting today.
Babe promised to buka puasa with me.
YAY!
He’s bringing along chocolates.
YAY!
Actually, come to think of it, it’s good that I’m working.
Staying at home is sucha routine, I’ll end up sleeping 80% of the time.
Then those love handles will continue to grow.
I will get so sick of it.
Then when I sleep too much, I will start to feel giddy, then I’ll whine to babe and he’ll come over to just entertain me the night away.
Then I really need t lose weight.
I need monehh.
I need babe.
I am so bored.
I should go and shower.
I just woke up at 3.
Now it’s 3.30.
I’m working at 5.
Errgghhh.
YAY!
Babe’s calling me.
YAY!
Goodbye.
And yes, if I don’t know you, don’t add me in friendster.
And don’t make me swear right now, cause it just gets on my nerves that you’re just poking u’re nose into my business, in which you have no right to.
Don’t think I don’t know who the shit you are.
I know. I know everything.
Actually, I’m always one step ahead of you. both you and your cina piang friend.
EWWWW!!!!!! These kind of people disgust me. like totally.
Maybe, after I’ve break fast, I’ll probably do another post, with vularities.

Linda’s style!

2007-09-13T16:26:00.000+08:00

SELAMAT BERPUASE!

Every other afternoon, had been like the picture above, with me outside my house corridor, just smoking and lazing around.
I nearly went out to do my daily routine, till my mom went like “HOIIIII!!!!!! NARI PUASE,KAU LUPA EH??!!! TADI PAGI KAU BANGON SAHOR TAK INGAT PE???!!!!!!!!”

Oh my dog. I’ve forgotten today was the first day of the fasting month, even though I did have sahor before dawn. Damn. My mom was telling me that this is the time/chance for me to cut down on my smoking, to lessen my swearing and stuff. And so after my mom yelled at me at the kitchen, I retreated back to my room, lay down and just stared at the ceiling.
Then I went online and there’s like a bunch of people who’s so damn bored, cause it’s fasting month and they feel somehow restricted or something cause they can’t do some stuff. Haha. No comments. I just suggested them the link that joanne gave me a few days back, and I told them “go entertain yourself with online movies,” and they did and I played online games.
And I then got bored, so I went to the kitchen, I helped my mom cut some carrots, then I gave up, and I went online again, and this time I talked to Richard, my bisexual long lost friend. He was online.
And now he’s like in Australia, and he told me ha may not come back to Singapore, he wants to like stay in Australia or something. So I told him it was the first day of the fasting month and he was telling me he missed rendang, ketupat and those foods ya know.

I really miss everyone and I feel that I am a bitter person.
I contradict myself most of the time.
I swear I’m trying to be nice, but if you’re just someone I can’t stand and you’re so damn irritating and annoying to ME, I’ll just ignore you.
Cause I feel it’s the best way out.
I know you have feelings too, and when you’re starting to get on my nerves, I just ignore u and show u this ***** up face cause I know if I open my big mouth to say those mean words to you, I know you’ll cry the ***** out.
So yah, appreciate my efforts man.
And sometimes I’m nice to you cause you’re not that irritating (at that point of time) an that life for me at that moment is well, extremely perfect. So yah.
You may call me selfish, but like I said, I’ve tried being nice to you. I have to bear with you and your **** face.
Erggghh, I shall stop this or I might be too carried away.
Good bye. (I shall not swear cause it’s fasting month)

And now, richard is calling me names and trying to provoke me, and he’s speaking in MALAY (so hilarious la!).
%**!@##$$$&^%%&*()&^%%%%$##!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love babaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!
AND HE'S STILL SLEEPING LIKE A B*BI.

2007-09-11T01:42:00.000+08:00

Black coffee Sunday.

Slow and tender, as i weakly surrender.

Questions about having to live domestically are being churned out more frequently nowadays between me and babe.
Lying down in bed, with cans of beers lying everywhere except the trash bin, the noisy blast of the plasma television, the remote control hidden somewhere, the mess was too overwhelming, even you couldn’t be bothered to clear them mess up.
Such revolting yet honest description of the state the room is in.

Then start all the gibberish talking, the seriousness of the topic never being critic appropriately.
The curses, the dreams, the hopes, the financial stability, the minute money and the mind-numbing education.
Together with my constant whining, trying hard to enlighten the brain, and also not forgetting the goal to keep babe awake so that he won’t succumb to being unconscious and leaving me all alone in the room, to entertain myself.
I would tug on his red boxers, trying to make him listen, as his eyes slowly fluttered, in a weak attempt to keep them open.

I would sulk like an idiot, lit yet another cigarette and smoked quietly for five minutes.
He would then gesture for me to lie down beside him, his arms outstretched on the second pillow. I would lie down, no questions asked, I snuggled myself in, resting my head on his shoulders.
His breath reeked of alcohol and beer.

He weakly stroked my hair, muttered something I couldn’t really hear, and the next thing I knew, he wasn’t there with me anymore.
I then sat up in bed, cursing. It was only 1am then. I then began the frantic search for the remote control, I found it next to my bra, which was lying somewhere near the entrance of the toilet.

I found babe’s black blazer on the way towards the kitchen and quickly wore it, glancing at every window pane which was not locked hoping that no one saw me walking around naked.
I ran towards the refrigerator, and grabbed another can of beer.
I then dimmed the lights, I cuddled myself next to babe’s body. I stared at his face for a minute, I kissed his eyelids softly.
If I could have a wish, I would want to show him how much I loved him all this while. The love I had for him, its more than the close intimate physical entity that we share, its more than the flying fuck that we’ve gone through, it’s more than anything else this whole wide universe can offer. I just don’t have the right words to describe how this love is so beautiful and well, daunting at some other times.
And babe looked so darn fucked up beautiful that night, I didn’t leave the bed till he was awake.

And yes, before the thoughts in my head go too far and revealing too much information, I might as well stop. Moving on.
I lit up the cigarette, placed the ash tray on babe’s chest, and focused my whole attention on the television.
Ahhhhh.
That’s more like it. tomorrow will somehow be as beautiful as Sunday.
Fingers crossed.

2007-09-09T14:50:00.000+08:00

All your sex and diamonds.

And I can recognize the smell of your skin.

These past few days had been hectic and emotionally draining. I had this “no mood” period and everything was so mundane like fuck. Babe had been trying to cheer me up, he was just there, it made everything better somehow. It’s just the second day since pay day and I want to announce to the world, that I’m broke. I’m like broke after I’ve put aside a lil money for the outing with the girls. (I’m really looking forward on Tuesday!) oh yes, nothing new eh? Haha.

This is going to be a damn descriptive post, so bear with my grandmother story.

The first pay day was outing with the boys. Namely yus, fiq and hafiz. It was suppose to be like some celebration for hafiz early birthday or something, I didn’t really know. oh well, whatever it is, it was raining on that particular Friday evening, (damn!) and everyone came late, babe and I actually came “early” when we thought we were the late ones. Anyway, everyone was damn hungry, afiq was still half asleep when he called me and we went to taka’s seoul garden to have dinner cum everything else that we can swallow since we’re like so hungry.
and yus was telling us that if we were full and stuff, we just go for a smoke at the carpark and then when we come back, we can still be able to stuff more food into our stomach. Oh my dog. I’m an idiot to have believed him.
So after I;ve like stuffed myself so much like some pig and I’ve come to realize I couldn’t stuff anymore, (and there was still desert) I dragged babe and yus up to the damn carpark to smoke.

Oh hell, I felt like shitting after that. And babe was farting and farting the whole walk back to seoul garden. Stupid fucker.
But still, with sheer determination and pure intentions to make the thirty bucks worthwhile, I went back stuffed myself with the ice cream and stuff. Babe and hafiz made two incredibly tasteless ice kacang which totally suck like some flying fuck and they ended up playing with it. silly boys.
I had some fun although I wasn’t really myself that day since I just got back from my uncle’s funeral. Yes, in the morning and afternoon, I was attending my uncle’s funeral, all the way to pusara aman in chua chu kang. The experience was too overwhelming, and although I knew it was bad to cry, I did. I was bawling like a baby and well, maybe next time I’ll probably tell you guys about it. the main reason why I still went out with them boys, is cause, I had promised them already and It’s been a long time since we’ve hangout and stuff. So yah. it's a pity we didnt bring any camera along, i swear this post would be more of a pictorial one if we had brought one.

Moving on, so after dinner for about two hours of stuffing like idiots and making fun of the people and food, fiq, yus and apiz planned to head over to zouk. The night was still young and babe wasn’t in for it, I knew it from the look of his face, so we had a smoke with them boys and I whispered to babe some naughty plan I had in mind, and of course he eagerly agreed. =)
And so since babe and I had our own plans, and them boys had theirs, we parted ways and headed to our own destinations each. (next up, buka puase with them boys accept for fiq,since he’s off to NS soon. Very soon actually)

Then babe and I sat at some secluded street, bought drinks and sat at the pavement macam bapak kite punyer road and I started talking about everything, bout my uncle’s death, the fighting that took place at the funeral, how I felt, the hurt, the sadness, just everything.
Babe listened patiently, as I poured out my thoughts, what I’ve kept deep inside and he held me tight all along, distrupting only when I was swearing and fucking people with crude remarks. He was there, it was all soothing and comforting.
Then we continued on taking our own sweet time to our destination. It was then all right and babe and I enjoyed ourselves tremendously =) (not really going to elaboarate).

Then soon, babe and I decided we should head home as the next day both of us will be working and it was getting pretty late already. we both sleep like babi and need at least 12 hours of sleep, so we called a cab to stop right in front of our destination (haha, we were both dead tired plus shagged by then) and after babe sent me home, he then took a cab back to bukit batok.
We wasted a total of about 35bucks on taxi fare. Haha. That’s one of the many reasons why me and babe are like halfway broke.
Sheesh. Minute money.

At island creamery,look at the background idiots!

And then the other day, babe and I had our supper at adams road, and I bought babe to island creamery for desert. Babe liked the place and after having our desert, babe and I searched the whole wall for my picture with the class girls. And we found it, damn, it was at the corner of the room la! Haha. And he was laughing at the picture, cause I look kinda round and stuff. Oh well. He loves me anyway.

And that’s like the description of my somewhat “whole” Friday and a quarter day of my Wednesday.

Till the next not so boring post pervs. I love ya’ll.

2007-09-07T02:34:00.000+08:00

My uncle passed away today, while i was working.
The first thing i did was curse.
And the next thing i know, was that babe came to my workplace as soon as he could.
His arms never felt this secure around me before.
As i struggled hard not to be an ass and lose my mind, babe just held me tight.
And we sang the whole way back home, finished up our last box of ciggarretes.
What i'm feeling now is undescriblable.
I am still trying to push this information in my head, but the emotions are not reacting yet.
Tommorrow is unpredictable.
Just like today.

2007-09-06T01:37:00.000+08:00

Something ugly this way comes.

As I begin to lose my grip
On these realities your sending.

I am mentally sick lately.
I cry over nothing in particular, I don’t know why the fuck I cried in the first place.
I have insomnia.
Which is making everything much worser.
I had to get my mind thinking, to get my goals and wants clear and sorted in my puny head. But all else fails.
And I happen to know the reason. This fact is killing me internally altogether.
The revelation of the fact that I still hadn’t gotten over the happening is so damn sick.
I am so sick and disgusted by myself for having this very vivid memory still so fucking allied in my head.
I am so helpless that the memory just keep playing over and over again, it’s making my heart all black and impure than it already is.
I know deep down I needed some serious therapy yet again, but my determination to burn this happening away all by myself is way stronger.
It’s a lot more difficult than I can ever imagine and the main person involved happens to be someone so important in my life.
The thought of putting everything behind I had with this person, so that I could put away the hurt and pain altogether far behind, it just brings my whole fucked up world down.
Way down to hell.
And I find each day, as I move on unhappily over the fact that this person is hurting me internally is so vicious and fucking unbearable already.
I’ve set my limits straight and clear.
And that person happens to step over it TWICE already.
How fucked up forgiving can I be?
How come this time after “forgiving” I feel so miserable and shitty?
How the fuck come?
Somebody please enlighten me with some basic shit.
I need some space for now.
I still don’t get the fact that once I’ve had it with a relationship, someone nice just happens to be there, just there being a huge irritating distraction.
All smiling over the fact that I’m failing and on the verge of dropping everything.
And livejournal, is now my best friend. I’m not going to add any more friends, cause I don’t want to.
I don’t want any unauthorized people reading my private entries anyway.
Fuck off.
All of you.

The tide will take the sea will rise and time will rape.

2007-09-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

Drunken stupor.

Day dreaming, Chain smoking.
Always laughing, always joking.
I remain the same.
Did i tell you that i love you?

Babe had been an extremely (however, not surprisingly), over the top pleasant, sweetest, and the most understanding boyfriend in the whole wide world these few days.
Haha. Kiss ass.

Saturday, was my off day. I spent the day with the family, and night with babe.
I met babe at around 10.30, went to collect some cash incentive at the work place, ate and went off to have some quality time for ourselves.
Ahhhhh. Now where the hell should I start? (I’m not happy with the cash incentive, cause people suck up to people, and they end up getting more, which is so sucky, stupid orang minyak!)

Anyway, I guess, it’s really good if you’re mad about something, you just leave it aside, and just cool yourself down first. Just make sure that your emotions don’t go haywire. Then when you feel that it’s the optimal time to talk things out, go ahead, just talk the fuck out. It works better if it’s face to face. Never mind, if the optimal time happens to fall at 2am in the morning. You just go over that person’s crib, take a cab or whatever, and talk things out. And before you know it, suddenly you’ll find yourself making out with that person, then everything just falls back into place.

What’s more enlightening is the fact that you’ll realize that you miss that person so damn much. And it wasn’t worth all the fights, it’s so damn torturous and ugly anyway.
Haha. Right. Moving on.
I had extreme fun with babe yesterday, smoking the fuck out, taking lotsa pictures, sweating like pigs with the running and stuff. Cursing at cockroaches, lotsa kiss, kiss, kisss and kissy kisses.
Also, not forgetting,
Babe’s endless, “My body small baby?” (rolls eyes continuously)
“ahhhh. MY BODY SO SMALL!!!” (ignoring)
“SMALL , small ,SMMAAAALLLL!!!”
(turn to babe, give this evil, pervertic smile, then strip him half naked)

And yes, if you happen to see a couple, running around half naked like some mad dogs in the wee hours, say hi. Afraid not. It’s probably me and babe having the time of our lives.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Jiggy,jiggy,jiggy all the way. YAY!

I love you babe.
You’re body is oh so fine and I love your way. =)

And yes, I want to thank naz. Naz and I had heart to heart talk the other day and we were surprised at how we opened up, like really opened up to each other. I know, and we’ve finally found out what we want and stuff. I just want to thank her, cause she’s there to like listen and give good logical explanations when I was really messed up that other day.
And both of us felt really really better after talking. Like relieved sort of feeling. Maybe all you perverts out there, don’t really understand, but hey, it don’t really matter, as long as she understands me, and I understand her whininess, everything’s cool. Haha. I can’t wait to meet her and we’re gonna tell more and more and more stuff. YAY!I love you naz.

Errggghhhh.
I AM SHAAAAAGGGEEDDDDD. my body aches like some serious fuck.
Goodbye and please practice save sex. This is to make sure that your mom won’t bug you twenty four seven to have a pap smear test.

P.S : camera phones are afraid of the dark. the photos tend to turn all fugly.

2007-09-01T02:48:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: Sex Pot

Tradionally known as a "siren", "rake", or "femme fatale." You exude sensuality.
And while your sexiness is part of what makes you an incredible seducer...
Your ability to make others feel sexy is what really makes your seduction skills shine.

Most people don't feel attractive or desired enough - a need which you tap into.
You have the ultimate sex appeal, and getting attention from you is a total self esteem boost.
Your confidence is contagious, and you help others unleash their own sexuality.

Your sex pot seduction skills are so intoxicating that you can get away with... well, almost murder.
Lovers feel like your sensuality is in your blood, so it's only natural if you flirt a little.
And if you stray, that might be okay as well - as long as you make your lover still feel hot.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

hahah.and i remembered that someone called me that before,i can't seem to remember who.

2007-09-01T01:33:00.001+08:00

'Muker sape mcm pepek berair?'
-haha.

Well, I deleted the previous post cause I find it well, stupid. It was just a chunk of gibberish shit, I was feeling real messed up that time, and my anger, it just brings everything down.
I must admit, babe and I had a serious tiff, and till now, we’re still trying to mend the holes that were left. I swear it wasn’t my fault in the first place, I just found out some disgusting stuff, and it included babe.
I totally blew my top. Like over the top blow kinda thing.
It was worst that work was pissing me off, I was having this nauseous period attack, and I was physically unfit.

Then this shit is like some very big fuck that hafta like squeeze itself in this mindfucking time, when I just needed space to recover.
It’s there, and I was on the verge of giving up. like totally.
Babe pissed me even more, when he gave me the lamest and totally intolerable reasons of all the cleverest reason he had given me if he had done something assholic.
And I gave up.
I was cursing the fuck out at him, (I don’t wish to elaborate what happened) he was telling me to shut the fuck up, cause he was trying to study for some dumb test the next day, and I felt like the most dejected bitch in the whole wide world that night.
And I told babe to let go. I just couldn’t take in that shit, at that point of time, with the many fuck up circumstances.

I was giving him a hard time and he knew I couldn’t stop myself from yaking the night away at his assholic behaviour and hell I went on and on about it, till I grew sick of myself, of him, off everything.
Babe apologized the next day, and he told me some stuff.
i swear I aint making it easier for him.

It’s some difficult shit when the person is already a part of you and your pathetic life and you have to just put up this lame front of trying to be cold, when deep down inside, you just want to forget about the shit that happened and just give this person this big comfy hug and cry the fuck out saying everything’s going to be fine.
I want to make this time a difficult one.
I want to be difficult, I want to show this stubborn side of me.
But the sight of babe looking ever so lost, so sorry, so afraid of the future ahead, just brings the absolutely potential plan to fail inconsiderately.
And it turned out to be only 15minutes of cold shoulder thing. Then I found myself being the bubbly little brat happily prancing around him yet again.

Oh god.
I feel like slapping myself just thinking of it.
Sometimes, the incident happened to just popped itself rudely back into my mind, and I find myself, pushing babe away suddenly.
It’s been going on for two days already.
I’m just not fully ready yet to forgive him.
The hurt, pain, and my bleeding nostrils are still apparent due to the excessive bawling, like there’s no more tomorrow.

Babe, I know you’re reading this. YOU CAN SUCK YOUR OWN BALLS OKAY.
I don’t know why the fuck I love you so damn much.
You stupid fucker.
Make sure you suck up to me a hell lot more and make tomorrow a better day, for us.

I want to buy a NEW vibrator.=(

2007-08-28T00:27:00.001+08:00

And if it was time well spent.

I don’t know whats up with me. I admit that I am trailing and losing to PMS. I haven’t been cranky at all, since all my years tolerating PMS was pretty okay, till just two days ago. I went totally berserk with everything when PMS came. Everything went so wrong and outta control. I swear I couldn’t control what I was feeling, and I kept blowing at everyone, babe got it worse. I was swearing the whole time at him and I was picking a fight with him practically with every single stupid mistake that he did.
I am a bad bad girlfriend. =(
These few days had been pretty busy, I was working, my period came, I had plans with babe, and with friends, and I ran out of painkillers.
Which is not cool. At all.
Friday I went out with babe, everyday is babe’s day and I’m glad that he’d put aside some time for me, even though he’s still schooling at tampiness.( fuck, I still couldn’t get over the fact that he’s schooling somewhere which is so darn fuck up far ) I appreciate it babe. I’m loving every second spent with you.
And babe’s common phrase right now, (that is after looking at his reflection) “baby, my body so small la sia.” Then he goes pumping. And will totally forget about my presence for about five minutes. I will then sit at bed, just frowning at him and screaming , “you think by doing that, right now, your stupid body will grow??!!!”
Right. Moving on. (P.S.: babe, you’re hot no matter how big those muscles are, I don’t really give a flying fuck okay? I love you honey. =) )

On Saturday, I was having a hard time concentrating at work, cause I’ve realized I’m only left with like 5 painkillers left. Only 5. like, shit. It’s sooo not enough to cure the pain, plus the menstruation pain. It really brings my mood down, and what’s more, was that I have made plans with sadiq already. I’ve nearly forgotten about meeting with sadiq after work until he text me sometime late in the evening, when it was hectic at work. I was like, oh fuck fuck fuck, I forgot. But of course I told him, yah, meet me at 10.30. I kinda snapped at him when he text me, which was pretty well, rude.
Yah, I kinda apologized.
And before, I met him, I swallowed the whole remaining 5 pathetic slow working painkillers hoping that the pain will just go away for at least three hours, so that I can lepak in peace and talk crap with sadiq, without any painful interruptions.
Of course swallowing those five painkillers, had my voice all quivery and like some nenek kinda shaky voice.
It was a good thing that sadiq happen to oversleep and he came a teeny weeny late. I was pretty cranky after that, but sadiq managed to make me laugh with his magic card tricks and jokes.
It was just plain fun.

aiya,he looks a bit like my babe,but my babe,ihsan bin mat salleh, is waaay waaay HOTTERRRR LA SIA!!!hahahahaa.i'm like so mean.

Squeaky cheap slippers.
Slippery floor.
Wet bench.
Long apron.
Weird people hiding behind bushes.
Ghost stories.
Screwed up magic tricks.
Ordinary mixed vodka. (he didn’t want to get wasted that day)
Smoker/ passive smoker.
Cold tahiti pizza.
The need to urgently pee.
Squeaky walk back home.
Laughing at weird/scary sounds.
Happy.
Crapping.
Laughing,lots of laughing.
Oh my god!
Windy/suddenly scary night.

There. That’s the gist of my time spent with him. Of course babe went a wee bit angry when he found that i broke my promise about not minoming. He was like “ kau dalah datang koto, kau minom lagi, lepas tu kau saket, marah and complain pat aku! Badan kau da koto, kasi lagi koto! Setan ikot kau balek baru padan muka kau!!”

HAHAHAHA. You know, my babe, Muhammad Ihsan bin mat salleh (stop it siak linda), looks extra hot when he’s mad. =)
And I’m lazy to elaborate bout yesterday and today.
I am still trying to cope with the anger inside and stuff.
Gahhh. What a week.
Next up, outing with them boys.
Movie marathon with them girls.
Escapade with ONLY babe.
Babe,fun,babe,babe and more babe!
AKU SAYANG KAU IHSANNN!!
YAY!

then right, i just realised tommorrow i'm working. ahhhh. what a fucking, big big terribly big fuck sia!!!!

2007-08-23T00:58:00.000+08:00

Black beach sand to red clay.

happy 21st monthlyversarry babe. i love you.
and do you remember that my mind frame never changed 'til you came and rearranged it.
i can never thank you enough.
it's never a secret no more.

" Your current relationship can only be described as true love, you two are perfect compliments for each other."

and i told him "b, you ni gile la!"
and he replied "memang!i memang giler! i giler pasal you!"

2007-08-22T16:07:00.000+08:00

When the past comes back to haunt you, one last time.

I took away all of our pictures and burn it all away yesterday, we aint no "our" no more,we're just two seperate souls, moving in two different directions.

Maybe it’s just plain coincidence that you make your boys come and talk to me about you on the 20th.
Maybe you just did not happen to insert some micro camera on that particular photograph.
Maybe after all you didn’t know nothing about how much my hand shook when I glanced at the photograph dated two years ago, particularly on 11-6-2005, on your sister’s wedding.
Maybe you didn’t know I took a good whole 10 minutes to inspect and relieve those last few moments with you.
Finally, maybe you should never know that it took me so long to get over you.

But now, after two and a half years, I’ve realized that it took you even longer to get over me. Cause you made me realized that yourself.
And you think I’m going to take you back after what flying fuck you did to me two years back?
I swear, I still can’t believe you’d think that I still have this same soft spot for you.
I’m telling you three years is enough. It’s more than enough.
You don’t have to force me to marry you. After all, our age gap is pretty far. Your seamen might be too weak to make me pregnant and maybe you just cant handle me the way I did to you.

i'm already like a whore at 14.

And for you to be coming back to me this way, still means that I could still hypnotize you and play with you around my little fingers, basically just to get back at you.
But I guess I’m just wasting my time.
I hope you do take care of yourself, and I promise you I wont be there no more in your house.
Just three more years and you’ll be out of jail, and I’m sorry if I don’t want to visit you while you’re still in there. It’s none of my fucking business anyway.
Oh yes, I remembered you promised me that you’ll try your best not to get into trouble anymore right?
Well, some things just never change huh?

Babe, don’t you despise me, I’m faithful. I’d love you, and nothing can take that love away.

2007-08-21T20:44:00.000+08:00

You were standing with a bottle of red wine
Ready to pour.

I wanted to blog yesterday, but I was pretty worn out after I met babe, so I just occupy myself with the online games and just chatting and making plans with certain people.
I have pretty much a lot to blog about and I don’t really know where to start.

Alright, firstly, I want to announce that exams are waaayyy waay over! Man, the torture of mugging my ass out, its finally over, for now. I am thankful that I pulled through even though it was only two papers, but I mean, child development and design learning environment really suck. The lectures suck like some bad flying fuck and I don’t really pay attention during those fuck lectures and the notes in design learning environment is so complex to understand and it pisses me off cause i hafta to re read everything just to understand a pathetic paragraph of it. gah! Whatever. It’s all done anyway.

I am so excited cause it’s all back, to plain working, hanging out with babe MORE, going out with my class girls, and more catching up with some old friends. YAY!!!

Yesterday, I met babe cause during the weekends, for the first time, I didn’t spend time with him. We just spend a few hours on the phone as I had to mug and he understood. So after exam yesterday, I accompanied naz for a while, then off I went to see him. Two days, man, I’m going crazy for the two days not having to hold him, to just physically have him beside me. I was telling him how badly I miss him, how I was going to bite off his arms when I see him. And I did, my poor babe had this huge lump on his eyebrows, it was pretty bloodied too. It was OBVIOUS AND HORRENDOUS. I wanted to spit at him, I thought he had one of those sparring sessions with his absolutely violent and insane friends, but he distracted me by giving this really big,sloppy kiss and he gave me the look, and I am cruel to have spit at him, cause he’s just so perfect and beautiful right then and there. Awwwww. Moving on. Apparently babe had free time, since he didn’t meet me during the weekends, so he played soccer at the strretsoccer near his house. And he had fell on the side of his face, some clumsy people kick him from behind or something. It’s like a good thing that he didn’t have concussion. My poor BENJOL babe. Haha.

It's again the time, for us , for you, for me, to express our love in many ways.

I was extremely bubbly yesterday and babe was really sweet. We hung out till pretty late, till babe’s eyes went all droopy and heavy, we had our little private sessions, and I’m loving him with my all heart. =)
I love you babe, I had fun last night.

YAY!!!!!

And it’s my HONEY’S BIRTHDAY TODAY!
Happy birthday lina! I’m always yours honey! =) I love you!!!
Even though you embarrass me 99.9999% of the time when we’re out in public. HAHAHA.

Oh my god, this post is draggy.
Happy holidays girls!
Hello world, especially the sea, the sand and the sun. someday babe and I, we’re going to rape you inside and out.
Hah!

P.S : DAVID, I’LL COME AND STALK YOU TOMMORROW NIGHT.=)

2007-08-17T21:23:00.000+08:00

I don't like this one; without my peeping ability, your bare ass could be seen.

The first paper’s done, and i'm not really confident about it, at all. Not being humble or whatever, but that’s just sincerely what I thought.
Anyway, the exams going to end soon, and I can look forward to many things.
Fasting month’s coming and babe and I will be all set to get our baju raya. Since he’s mom already started sewing the baju raya already =)
Anyway babe and I recently have a major battle of curses and it dragged for a few days.
Not that I want to rant much about that, I mean, I just want to say that this time, this argument ‘s like some rude slap of the reality to me.
I realized how patient babe had been to me, how he helped me along and my mom even commented on that.
It all started when my mom told me to go for a papsmear test.
I was like “WHAT THE FUCK??!!”

And it’s kinda long to elaborate, maybe I’ll tell you guys more about it some other time, when I have the whole free and easy period in control.
Nah, not to worry.
It’s not that I’ve contracted some sexual transmitted disease or something. My mom just wants whats best for me. and I love her like so damn much.

Babe was in an extremely good mood today, and I’m proud to say that my baby did well for his class test okay! Like for the first time in history, he topped his class.
I was shocked, and i’m glad he’s motivated to start studying. And he cheered me up today, we had dinner together.
I’m missing him already.
My handsome fucker, should no longer be labeled “LOW IQ” ever again.
His IQ is normal, and I’ve got prove, right here, with me.
If I ever hear anyone of you teasing him, I don’t care if it’s some harmless shits, I swear I’ll stuff this prove up your fucked up arses. (excluding babe’s close friends that is)
And I’ll be procrastinating for the upcoming, last paper.
I’ll wait babe to come home.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll whip up his favourite fried cockles kway tiow, together with my speciality, iced latte and surprise him.
(yes, I’ve learnt to cook from my mom, for the sake of babe.)
Yes, I know, I’m like the most kiss ass girlfriend someone could ever ask for!
HAH!

2007-08-16T18:14:00.000+08:00

The best friend.

when i mug, these things keeps me going. like a hell lot.

smoke break in about half and hours time! (return full attention to mugging)
smoke break in aout 15 minutes time! (cursed and memorise intently)
smoke break minutes in 5 minutes! ( my oh my time really flies when you're mugging)
smoke break in about one three minutes! ( i throw my textbook aside, put on bra, some baggy shirt, babe's boxers, go outside and smoke happily)

if you're wondering why i smoke outside, cause my mom dont like me contaminating the house.
i'll smoke in the house, when i'm totally broke,and i happen to lose my lighter at the same time, i'll use the kitchen stove to light the ciggie.

i can't wait for tommorrow.
exams going to be over pretty soon!
HAHAHAHAHAHA. it's driving me bonkers.